Resolving the Issue of Elder Care in a Family Meeting

As a parent ages, there are many issues that must be faced by the adult children of the family. In a perfect situation, the role of caregiver and decision maker would be evenly dispersed among the adult children so that no one child feels the brunt of this large task. Once one or both parents reach the age where they need help in caring for themselves, it is time to hold a family meeting with your siblings and other family members to decide on a course of action and how best to implement these changes to make this transition smooth. While this all sounds simple and logical, family meetings can be breeding grounds for all the family conflicts to rear their ugly head. This is an emotional time for any family, and with emotions come many conflicts that can keep a meeting from happening. As communication falls apart, many times the responsibility of care lands on one or two people for the care of the elderly parents.

In this generation, many families are scattered to the four corners by the time the parents reach the age where long term care is a factor. Because of this, your family "meeting" may involve more conference calls and e-mails than actual, face-to-face meetings. When you get to the point where you are ready to discuss the situation, there are a few things to keep in mind to help things go smoothly and try to ensure that no one gets left with more than their fair share of responsibility. So what point to do you start with and what points are vital to talk about? Keep in mind that nothing will be solved 100% no matter how many meetings you have. The point here is to make sure everyone is up to date on the parent's situation and to decide what everyone's role will be in the future.

One of the main concerns that everyone will have is how to divide the responsibilities so that everyone is involved and doing their part. Keep a list going of the tasks that are going to need to be divided so that everyone can see what needs to be done. Just to get you started, there will be financial responsibilities and people who need to monitor and take care of the medical side of all of this. With the medical aspect, it is important that one person has an up to date medical history of the parents. This person also needs to have details on what medical needs they are likely to have in the future. There will be emotional needs for the parents that must be addressed. Discuss the fears that everyone has as you face this new time in your family's history; these are tough subjects but they will be easier if these things are out on the table. These have been broader subjects but be sure that you also get down to the details. A realistic conversation on the day to day needs of your parents and how these are going to be accomplished should be on the agenda. In this conversation, the subject of placing a parent in a facility is going to come up, so be prepared to discuss options. Another aspect is going to be the legal one. As your parent's assets are rearranged, it will be important to have your parents legally protected.

With each family will come a unique set of discussion points. Take these as starting points to get the talk going. Just keep in mind that the ultimate goal is for a peaceful and comfortable old age for your parents and try to keep the peace amongst yourselves. This is a difficult transition, but these waters can be navigated smoothly.