R-E-S-P-E-C-T

What has become of our up and coming youth and their sense of pride and respect? Have we forgotten to hold our children accountable for their actions? Have we become "too soft" as a society? We have now been from one extreme to another; from one end of the spectrum to the other.

We, as parents, whom have grown up with strict rules and unbearable punishments have abandoned our dutiful rights to teach our children right from wrong. We even have given ourselves an excuse with a pretty interesting label---freedom of expression. Don't get me wrong, children need to express themselves. But, I believe in a parental controlled environment. We have failed our children by giving and letting them do whatever they want.

The children of today can now freely curse at teachers, tell their parents off, make fun of the retail clerks they come in contact with on a daily basis, walk by as an elderly person needs help either crossing the street or loading groceries into the car. Basically, a total disregard of respect for authority, rules and regulations without considering the consequences.

Even amongst themselves they show no respect. When was the last time you have noticed a young man come to the door to pick up your daughter, much less opening the car door for her or walking on the outside of the street? When was the last time you noticed your daughter give her friend an honest complement and mean it? And not turn around and say something negative about them behind their back? We really have quit holding our children accountable for their actions and why?

For many it is simply because we grew up in a society where our rules were, "children should be seen and not heard" Since we weren't allowed to speak our minds we have allowed our children to get away with such disrespectable behavior. Some even believe that it's just easier to let it go and not be bothered. If we don't want to be bothered with our own children then who else is responsible? The teachers at school? The coaches of their teams? Surely, not. But, that is what we have let happen. It's no ones fault but our own and it is no ones responsibility but our own to teach our children about respect. We need to teach them the rules and the consequences.

Children need to learn that every action and every decision they make affects everyone around them, including their family. If your child asks you for the car after you have rescinded their privileges for terrible grades then they don't respect your authority. They dismiss your rules, yell at you, curse at you, grab the keys and take the car anyways and all you do is simply shrug your shoulders and say, "Oh, well, it's just easier letting them do what they want. What harm can it do?"

Did you ever stop and think that, now you have an upset child driving? You don't know where they're going or where they're at. They are now more susceptible to peer pressure, alcohol, and even drugs. Plus, they have no understanding of how important education is. You might say, "Well, I can't stop them." Don't be afraid. Yes, you can. Kids today, are clever but, remember, with all your years of wisdom, trial and error, and own experiences you truly can control your children. Put your foot down and mean it. Children won't respect you if you don't follow through. Teaching your child respect begins with you.

Telling your child don't do this or don't do that isn't enough. You must talk to them and listen to them. Show respect by listening to their feelings and issues and not dismissing them as youthful thinking. Today's youth want to be respected and taken seriously. And it starts with you, as the parent. But, do not take it to an extreme and become a friendly ally. Children have enough friends. We must remain the authority figure in their lives but in a way as to not alienate them. We must talk to our children and explain things to them because if we don't nobody else will.

Some of us may feel that we don't want take away their innocence or burden our children with stress and worry. Depending on the age of the child and maturity level of the child you should gauge which problems and solutions you chose to share. Something as simple a washing a load of laundry can be useful. Explain to them that your family unit is a team and you must help each other out and that one day they will off on their own doing it for themselves. Just don't show them once. Let them share in the activity several times and independently. Remember to praise and say thank you. Show respect. Also, try not to be too picky or demanding that will push them away further. They may whine and complain but remind them about teamwork.

Just like accomplishing tasks is a team effort, suffering consequences is, too. When your child does something wrong, explain to them that the whole family (team) feels the effects. For example, your child has gotten kicked off the school bus for using foul language towards the bus driver and now you have to take them to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. Now this will be difficult because your morning routine is already tight and you really can't afford to leave early from work to pick them up. You either need to figure out a new tighter schedule or stay at work late to make up the time. Thus, making you more stressed. You can easily opt for morning and/or afternoon care which then cuts into your wallet. Once you start using money for something that could have been prevented it can take away from other needs such as your food, shelter, health and even entertainment needs. All because your child was disrespectful. But, not only does it affect you it affects other family members as well. Now your other child must become a part-time latch key kid because you have to take the extra time to service the needs of the unruly one.

Not only the time restraints that are now created but the emotional needs of the child must be met. You ask yourself, "Why would they do such a thing?" We surely do not act that way. Or in some cases one might even say, "I don't believe it, not my child." Children are infamous for acting differently where their parents are not around. When was the last time you talked to children about respect? Were you seriously that busy than to take out a little time to talk to your child? Talk time can be anywhere, a trip to the store, after practice, during dinner or during breakfast. You might say, "But, they don't even respond to me. They tune me out." Don't be discouraged. They ARE listening. Go ahead and talk. Make your point and make it short and sweet. Too long and it may not accomplish what you want. Always end your talks with "I love you" and "I'm always here for you no matter what." Keep on repeating these things and eventually they will come around. Let them know that no matter how they act, you will always love and respect them.

At first this may seem difficult, but with time it will get easier and don't give up. Just keep trying to connect. You may feel like its failing but, you really are not. You must show your children to be the better person. You may not directly reap the rewards but just maybe your child might stop and think and help that struggling school mate or not curse at the teacher today. It's a start that only gets better with time.

We do not live in a teenage wasteland just a confused one. Our sons need to be taught to respect women and our daughters need to be taught to respect themselves. Children should not be forgotten or dismissed by their own parents. It is never too late to begin to have a wonderful relationship with our offspring. Nothing relieves stress as much as seeing a child's smiling face because they are truly happy to see you. Sometimes parents just need to slow down, take a step back, and see their children for just how great they are.

Fathers need to take their sons aside and bond with them. Our sons need good male role models. They learn about relationships and treating women from their fathers. They need to be taught to respect women. Show them what a loving relationship is. Teach them about compromise and how to walk away from an argument. Teach them that you NEVER strike a woman no matter what. Show them ways to cope. Show them how to keep their emotions in check; how to be strong. Teach them ways to funnel their anger and rage into something positive like, sports, exercise, or even a hobby the child is interested in.

Even a single mother can help her son learn about respect by not allowing yourself to be disrespected by a male figure. Point out examples of good male interactions and show them what is acceptable. Children watch everything you do or say. They even listen when you're behind closed doors. Their feelings are direct responses to your actions no matter how subtle. Children need to be reassured constantly. Anyone can create a loving and healthy environment for their family.

Mothers need to nurture their daughters into self respectable women. A lot of our young girls suffer from low self-esteem and even some women. We must teach them to believe in themselves. Show them that their worth comes from within and not from what another says or thinks. Teach your daughters not to accept someone who mistreats them. We need to lead by example by not falling into the same trap. Women who respect themselves have daughters who respect themselves. Fathers also, play a major role in raising their daughters, a very important one. They learn what is acceptable by how their father treats their mother. They learn to accept certain behavior, whether good or bad.

They say time is money but time is also very invaluable. The time we spend with our children means more than anything money can buy nor can it be replaced. Our children are our priority. Thus, the most time we have in a day should be spent on our children whether directly or in directly. The time that we invest into our children will make them better adults and well respected people.

During these economic hard times when a lot of negative situations might arise, there are a lot of children whose worlds are being turned upside down. We need to gently explain what is happening because causing secrecy sometimes creates a greater anxiety in the child. Reassure them that things are temporary. Your child gets to see you as you struggle day to day but they also see your great resolve of not giving up. They will learn from you how to survive when things get tough. Attitude is important. Try and share some positive things with your child even if you don't feel it. Take this opportunity to do more things with your child. Share more time together by talking more, staying in and watching movies, play board games or make one up of your own, try new recipes. Now is a great time to take note of your child's interest. Explain to them that four walls and fancy cars do not make up a person or define your family. Your family is the people in it.

Everything starts and ends with you as the parent and not a friend. The road to respect is not easy nor does it merit an immediate change. But, they are your future. They are your investment. They truly are a product of their parents. We surely don't abandon them once they turn eighteen or when they finally strike out on their own. We will always and forever be their parents. They will turn to us for help no matter what and we should always be there trying not to judge. Teaching and practicing respect is a never ending mission that should be incorporated into our daily lives so much so that it becomes second nature. If everyone would do so the world would be a better place to be.