Responding When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

The words, "I want a divorce," are rarely ever expected and even less often than that do people want to hear them. These words are life changing and can be expensive, sometimes tremendously so. However, hearing these words doesn't have to be the end of the world. With a little planning and a cool head, you can be proactive, protect yourself and keep your life from becoming a downward spiral.

First, remember that when you hear those words, there is nothing that can be done to change anything you may have done or said in the past and someone's past actions are generally the reason you find yourself in such a discussion.

Then understand that from that moment on, everything that you do is in your control. This is extremely important in any divorce as if you and your spouse end up fighting in Court, each spouses' attorney will be looking to exploit the actions of the other if it can benefit their individual clients. Outbursts, extreme behavior and vengeful conduct are all prime fodder for the attorneys. Your actions can affect your right to retain property, or perhaps worse, your ability to enjoy a relationship with your children.

If your spouse tells you they want a divorce, though it will be quite a challenge, remain calm. Remain reasonable. Hear what your spouse has to say. Frequently the tenor of an entire divorce will be set in the days following an announcement such as this.

Listen to your spouse. Remain silent. This will surprise them. It is human nature for someone that is talking to keep talking to avoid the silence. This is exponentially so in times like this. The more your spouse talks, the more information you can glean from the conversation which could become important for you if the case does become contested.

Your spouse will likely ask you if you have anything to say or if you have any questions. Politely tell them you don't and let them know you have to digest what you have just been told.

Then, you need to do two things.

First, find and make an appointment with an attorney - an attorney who specialized in divorce, not the friend of a friend who is a great guy and rarely if ever practices divorce law. A divorce is a specialized area of law with issues and pitfalls that are unique. You want someone that knows these points. A divorce attorney will cost upfront, a consultation fee and, if you hire them, a retainer. Many people will balk at these costs, but, this will be money well spent in the long run. Be prepared to pay them.

The second thing you need to do is decide what you want out of your divorce and be able to express it to your attorney. Think about whether you want a divorce or not. If you don't, let your attorney know about this and they can give you resources to address this. Next, after speaking to an attorney and having your questions answered, be prepared to follow their advice - which may involve speaking to your spouse about the next step in the process. Your attorney may also advise you to sit down with your spouse and attempt to amicably resolve the issues between you.

This, at a minimum will involve dividing your property, and debt, and could involve attempting to decide issues concerning any children you may have. Your attorney may advise you to discuss a reconciliation, mediation or counseling. However, the advise your attorney gives, depending on the specific facts of your case, may involve doing nothing while more evidence, sometimes related to your spouse, sometimes to property or finances, is collected. Your attorney may also advise you to immediately file the appropriate action with the appropriate court.

Listen to your attorney!

Once this next step, whatever your attorney may advise, is completed, then the process can proceed. Hopefully to a conclusion that pleases everyone involved.

This article is not offered as, nor is it to be construed, as legal advice, nor does it create any relationship, attorney/client or other, between the author and the reader. To obtain any legal advice, consult an attorney licensed to practice law in your state.