Responsibilities of the Mother of the Groom

Traditionally, the Mother of the Groom takes a backseat during wedding planning. However, times have changed, and your relationship with the bride will typically dictate what level of involvement you will have. If you are unsure of what is expected of the Mother of the Groom, you will find the traditional responsibilities below.

Initiate contact with the bride's parents. Sometimes, parents have already met on numerous occasions. If that is not the case, be sure to call the bride's parents as soon as possible to introduce yourself and your family. If you live close to one another, invite them over for cocktails or dinner. It will give everyone the chance to get to know each other before all of the wedding events begin. If both families live too far apart, the phone call will suffice.

Introduce the bride to your family. If the bride has not had the opportunity to meet her fiancé's extended family, be sure to set up a time to do so. This can be something as simple as a backyard barbeque or cocktail party in your home. It will help make the bride feel more relaxed. There is nothing worse than meeting people for the first time at the wedding reception. The bride will certainly appreciate this gesture.

Determine the guest list for your side. Talk to the bride to find out how many people you will be able to invite to the wedding. The couple will have decided an approximate size for the wedding, and it is important to respect their decision. If they want an intimate affair, you may have to scale back your list. If you feel there are people that should be included, but will not fit into the numbers decided by the couple, you can certainly host an engagement party or bridal shower. You could also have a small party a few weeks after the wedding. Just be sure the guests know that the couple is planning a small wedding, so they don't expect an invitation in the mail.

Spread the word about the couple's registry. Be sure you know as soon as the couple has registered, so you can let inquiring friends and family know.

Share family traditions. If your family has any traditions that are typically included in the ceremony or reception, let the couple know. They cannot be expected to include these things if they haven't been discussed early. Also, be aware that the couple may choose to forgo some traditions, and it is a decision that is solely up to them.

Plan and host the rehearsal dinner. Traditional etiquette states that the groom's family will cover the rehearsal dinner. It does not need to be a fancy sit-down dinner. The rehearsal dinner is getting more relaxed. Many are being held at bowling alleys, pizzerias and barbeque joints. You can also do a barbeque or other meal at your home. This is an important tradition, and is always much appreciated by the wedding party. It is also a huge relief to the bride's family if they do not need to worry about it. Be sure to send out invitations about a month in advance.

Contact member's of the groom's family that did not RSVP. Check with the bride a couple days after RSVP's were requested to be returned. Tell her you would be happy to contact any of your friends and family that did not send their card in. This should be taken care of in a timely manner, so the bride can make final decisions on things like floral arrangements, number of dinners, etc.

Wait to choose your dress until the Mother of the Bride has made her selection. It is customary for the Mother of the Bride to choose her dress first, to complement the colors of the wedding. The Mother of the Groom then follows her lead, choosing something in a similar length and style. You will also want to be sure to choose a complementary color. If you are unsure of what would be appropriate, talk to the bride. She can give you guidance on what she thinks would be best. You could also suggest that she assists you in shopping for and selecting the dress.

Day of duties. For the wedding day, you of course will walk down the aisle with your son. If the couple is having a receiving line, you will stand in the line. You will also likely be asked to participate in the Mother/Son dance, which typically follows the Father/Daughter dance. And of course, it is expected that you will mingle and greet guests throughout the day.

When the bride begins her wedding planning, be upfront with her about the level of involvement you would like to have. If you want to be a part of the planning, let her know that you are available for anything she needs and that you are very excited about this special event. If you don't plan to get involved, let the bride know what you can do. Also, do not be afraid to ask if you are unsure of something. The bride will appreciate that more than if you just make assumptions about things.

Of course, this is a list of duties that are typically expected of the Mother of the Groom. If you feel you cannot comply with some of these duties, then you will need to make that known immediately. Do not wait until three months before the nuptials to say you will not host a rehearsal dinner. The couple will need time to make alternate arrangements. Follow this list, and you will surely be on your way to contributing to a beautiful day with your son and future daughter-in-law. Good luck!