Restaurant Etiquette for Kids

It's Friday. The kids have been driving you nuts all day. Now it's 5 o'clock and you haven't even started to think about dinner. Pizza again? Fast food? Or are you in the mood to go somewhere with real utensils?

But wait! The children...

Going to a restaurant is ideally a very relaxing experience. However, eating out with children can be anything but relaxing. At your typical fast food or mouse-themed pizza restaurant, manners and etiquette aren't often on the menu. Just getting the kids to sit and eat their food is a success. However, when dining in a slightly more upscale locale, it's important to try to keep some sort of lid on the kids' natural exuberance, and teach them about the etiquette and manners that are appropriate to the situation.

The first situation requiring manners is for the parents - choosing an appropriate restaurant. It is important to choose a restaurant that is child friendly. If there's no highchair, or there is a customer dress code, this is not the restaurant for you. Also take into consideration the usual wait - both for a table, and for the food. Even the most restaurant-savvy kids lose their patience. So calling ahead, if possible, is a good idea. Buffets are a good idea for children, as they are generally very family friendly and the food is available immediately.

Additionally, on the weekends especially, the earlier you eat, the better. Restaurants tend to start filling up with romantic couples as the night progresses, and romantic couples and kids don't mix well. Plus, eating early assures that no one gets too tired and cranky before the meal is over.

Before you leave for the restaurant of your choice, talk to your children about what you expect. Children who do not eat out often or who are very young may not know or remember what appropriate restaurant behavior looks like. Let them know what is appropriate, and what is not. Make them aware of the consequences for rude behavior so that everyone is on the same page and you don't feel flustered in the moment if they do start to act up.

Once you have been seated at the table, it is important for the children to remain seated. Running through the aisles is not only rude, but dangerous for the waitstaff who are carrying hot dishes and walking fast. Obviously, this is easier said than done. If you know your child under age 3 cannot sit still for that long, try sitting in a booth in a corner. Then your child can stand next to you on the booth and move around a bit without disturbing other patrons or leaving your table. If that is insufficient, or if you have older children who are too full of energy, one parent can try taking them outside for a quick walk after you have ordered and before the food arrives. Also be sure to pack small, quiet toys, such as coloring books and crayons. Many family friendly restaurants will also provide these upon request. If all else fails, ask the server for some crackers or rolls - remember that often an "ill-behaved" child is really just a hungry child.

Whether you order your child's food or your child talks to the server herself is up to you and your child. Some children are too shy to speak to servers, and in that case the adult should do the ordering. The server's time is valuable and they should not be made to wait all day while you try to coerce your child into ordering. However, as your child gets older, do teach your child the correct way to order their food, saying please and speaking clearly.

When the food arrives, encourage your children to thank the server. Rolling up sleeves, pushing cups away from the edge of the table, and using bibs can save many accidents. If your child is old enough to use a fork, and the food calls for it, the child should do so. This is not the time to berate your child for holding her fork improperly, but rather gently and quietly encourage what she is doing right. Learning to use utensils properly takes time, and is a learned skill, not an inborn one, so be patient. Loudly scolding your child not only doesn't help, but brings attention to what others may not have even noticed.

During the meal there are many opportunities to fine tune the children's' table manners. Reminders that elbows do not belong on the table and to chew with your mouth closed are important. A common problem is when the children get overexcited and loud - reminding the children to use "restaurant voices" is also important. One way to help children get the idea of what volume is appropriate is to practice in the car on the way there. Throwing food or utensils is obviously inappropriate, and should be stopped as soon as possible, either by talking to the child or removing the ammunition. Be sure to apologize to the victims at nearby tables, and buy them a drink if it's gotten really bad.

Try to pay the bill as soon as it arrives. That way, if the kids are just too out of control, you can get up and leave fast. Even the most sedate child can get too tired, or grouchy, and be unable to control themselves. Leaving the restaurant for a moment to regroup, or even to just go home, has happened to most parents many times.

Remember that learning how to use manners and etiquette while eating out is a learning process, and teaching your children these skills takes time and practice. If you think your children are just not ready yet, or if you have to take them somewhere particularly fancy, then practice at home first. Most of all, remember that children learn by example - so mind your manners!