Return of the Revenge of the Next Top 10 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Videos Found Online

In the not to distant past, I published an article of The Top 10 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Videos Found Online. Since that time, Google has added more episodes of MST3K to their digital archive, so in true MSTie fashion, here is Return of the Revenge of the Next Top 10 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Videos Found Online ...

"In the not too distant future," one can hope that Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) will return to the airwaves and start making fun of all new movies that are horrible (maybe Gigli will be at the top of their list?) but until then, fans of the show will have to content themselves with the DVD box sets and what they can find online. Both YouTube and Google Video have an extensive holding of MST3K episodes, but only Google Video has them unbroken and complete (the episodes on YouTube are broken up into smaller videos (I guess YouTube has size constraints), so you have to click through them to find the next installment which can be annoying). So, without further ado, here is the Return of the Revenge of the Next Top 10 Best Mystery Science Theater 3000 offerings on Google Video:

10. Riding with Death (1976). Directed by: Alan J. Levi and Don McDougall. Starring: Ben Murphy, Katherine Crawford and Richard Dysart. Ben Murphy stars as Sam Casey (an agent for the mysterious government agency INTERSECT who can turn invisible as the result of a satellite explosion on a submarine at the bottom of the sea) in this failed '70s TV show. Sounds great, doesn't it? Well, Riding with Death delivers in spades as Ben Murphy has to negotiate driving a truck carrying a highly volatile fuel substitute while trying not to get killed by a shady group of men in leisure suits.

9. The Undead (1957). Directed by: Roger Corman. Starring: Pamela Duncan, Richard Garland and Allison Hayes. In the classic style of Corman exploitation, The Undead is about a prostitute who is hoodwinked by two psychiatrists into being hypnotized to study the reality of past lives. Problem is, the lady of the evening gets stuck in her past life: that of a witch who is to be burned at the stake, and this being Roger Corman, who can be sure there are plenty of shapely women and misogynistic jokes and bad, bad dialogue.

8. The Space Children (1958). Directed by: Jack Arnold. Starring: Michel Ray, Jackie Coogan and Russell Johnson. A growing coprolite from outer space mental controls the children of rocket scientists engaged on launching the largest nuclear missile ever. Plus it star Jackie "Uncle Fester" Coogan as a too-short-shorts wearing father and Russell "The Professor" Johnson as a drunken abusive stepfather, so you know its going to be good.

7. I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957). Directed by: Gene Fowler, Jr.. Starring: Michael Landon, Yvonne Lime and whit Bissell. A 20-year-old Michael Landon was reportedly only paid $1000 for his part in the classic I Was a Teenage Werewolf, and if you were to ask me (and Mike Nelson and Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot), Gene Fowler, Jr. was ripped off. As you watch, just make sure there are no dairy products nearby when Landon goes hirsute.

6. Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959). Directed by: Bernard L. Kowalski. Starring: Ken Clark, Yvette Vickers and Jan Shepard. The same Bernard L. Kowalski who brought MSTies Night of the Blood Beast now brings us Attack of the Giant Leeches (executive produced by Roger Corman, so you know its gonna be good). Attack of the Giant Leeches is the kind of movie you might get if Stephen King, William Faulkner and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour collaborated on the screenplay. Believe it or not, this film is actually being remade! Now, if only Best Brains would get on the ball and send the Satellite of Love back into orbit, we could see the same film, new cast, ridiculed again for a whole new generation!

5. Master Ninja II (1984). Directed by Michael Sloan. Starring: Lee Van Cleef, Timothy Van Patten and George Lazenby. As if it wasn't enough to watch Timothy Van Patten get beat up every five minutes in Master Ninja I ... the brains behind MST3K and the sad sacks behind Master Ninja I bring us another movi- I mean ... another two episodes. This time, Timothy and the Master help unionize a fish processing plant and then foil an international terrorist plot with the help of George "James Bond" Lazenby.

4. Pod People (1983). Directed by Juan Piquer Simón. Starring: Óscar Martín, Ian Sera and Susanna Bequer. Perhaps one of the strangest films ever shown on Mystery Science Theater 3000, Pod People is one of the most eclectic films I have ever had the displeasure of running across. First, the opening credits have nothing to do with the rest of the film. Second, there are five different plot lines that intersect at random points: (1) the poachers in a forest with more mist than a Ridley Scott film; (2) the horny teenage musicians out for a weekend romp in the woods; (3) the strange little child - Tommy - who is one part Damien, one part Elmer Fudd and Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver; (4) Tommy's family constant wondering where Tommy is, including his über-crotchety grandfather (who is reminiscent of the comics page's Crankshaft) and (5) some aliens who look like miniature elephants draped in orange shag carpet from your grandparents' basement who have crash landed in the woods where the poachers are poaching the teenagers the romping and Tommy and his family are living.

3. War of the Colossal Beast (1958). Directed by Bert I. Gordon. Starring: Sally Fraser, Roger Pace and Duncan "Dean" Parker. The amazing sequel to The Amazing Colossal Man (see below, #2) is amazingly bad. Apparently Glenn Manning (the 60-foot man whose size is more inconsistent than the plot in an Ed Wood film) survived his fall off Hoover Dam and is now hiding out in Mexico, chomping on cattle and hijacking food trucks for sustenance. Yes, the plot is that simple and that bad and this episode is that good. The other plus to War of the Colossal Beast is that it is preceded by one of the most infamous shorts in Mystery Science Theater 3000 history: "Mr. B Natural." Watch, and revel in the sheer horror that is Mr. B Natural.

2. The Amazing Colossal Man (1957). Directed by Bert I. Gordon. Starring: Glenn Langan, Cathy Downs and William Hudson. Glenn Manning survives a plutonium bomb explosion at ground zero only to be transformed into a 60-foot ... well, a 60-foot Colossal Man. Though, his sanity is questionable, his choice for his final rampage is the Las Vegas Strip circa 1950 and his final stand is at picturesque Hoover Dam, with a very, very large hypodermic needle that you just know is going to go through something or someone.

1. The Day the Earth Froze (1959). Directed by Aleksandr Ptushko. Starring: Andris Oshin, Eve Kivi and Anna Orochko. This is, perhaps, my favorite episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 of all time. One part Norse myth, one part really, really bad movie, The Day the Earth Froze is famous for one thing, and one thing alone to die hard MSTies: SAMPO. Lots and lots of SAMPO! Also, be sure not to miss one of the best worse shorts that the researchers at Best Brains, Inc. have pulled out of the vaults somewhere: "A Day at the Circus," which - if you are as scared of clowns and hate circuses as much as I do... then "A Day at the Circus" is the perfect nightmare fuel for you.

So, turn down the lights, were applicable, pop a big bowl of popcorn and enjoy some of the cheesiest movies this side of Plan 9 from Outer Space.