Returning to Work After a Heart Attack

Two months before my thirtieth birthday, I felt like everything was right with the world. I was married, working at the career that I had always wanted, and preparing to purchase my first home. Even my car was perfect.

It is amazing how you can lose everything in thirty days. My now ex-husband was fired for Internet pornography of the pedophile nature, I watched another family move into what I considered to be my dream home. I think that stress at work was the straw that finally broke the camels back.

For two days, I felt tired, had an ache in my left arm, and was experiencing tightness and pain in my chest. I chalked it up to stress and continued to go to work, clean my apartment, and do the shopping. On the third day at work, I started to feel as if I was going to faint. Finally deciding that it was more than anxiety, I went to the emergency room.

The diagnosis was an acute myocardial infarction. A heart attack. While trying to process this, I was surrounded by hospital staff, being poked, prodded and stuck. The physician on duty all but accused me of being a drug abuser, because of my age. I was airlifted to another hospital and immediately taken to the cardiac cath lab. The doctor placed the coronary stent, and I was sent down to the coronary care unit. Once there, I was told by a nurse that I was too young to be having a heart attack, and was left to my own devices while she cared for some "seriously ill patients". Did I mention that my right leg was tied down for 9 hours?

I only stayed in the hospital for for days. I returned to my apartment to discover that my husband had taken my 1988 Porche 944, and gone home to his mother. Once at home I returned to work, but maybe a little too soon. Two weeks later I was back in the hospital with another heart attack. After the last one, I could not bring myself to go back to work. I moved back home to be closer to my family. For three years I worked from home.

Every morning, and every night, I would take the handful of prescription medication, only to become ill shortly afterword. I was not physically capable of doing the things that I was accustomed to. Visits to the doctor never brought good news, because, after all, once the damage to your heart is done, it can't be repaired.

Recently, after a serious bout of cabin fever, I decided that it was time for me to return to work. At first, I tried a waitressing job, figuring that it would be easy. That lasted for a month. I honestly don't know how anyone can make a career out of that. So, having failed at my attempt to enter the service industry, I decided it was back to health care for me. My

My first step involved the realization that life is different now. I met a wonderful man who supports me in anything that I want to do. I know that he will be there even if I fail. It is very important to me that he listens to my concerns.

The second, and probably the hardest thing that I had to do, was to actually walk back into the hospital. I was so afraid that I mailed my resume one mile. I was even a little surprised when they called. After all, it had been three years.

I worry that I have managed to forget everything that I once knew. I know that it is virtually impossible, It is still a very real concern to me. I find myself researching medical procedures that I know like the back of my hand. This helps a little to reinforce my confidence.

With ten days to go before I start, I have passed the physical, the drug tests, and ability screenings. All that is left is to dig out my scrubs, and to show up. Am I too old for a little hand holding?