Reuniting with a Lost Love

Much to your surprise you have just been contacted by a lost love. Maybe it was a high school love, maybe from another time. But beautiful memories of less hectic and more romantic times have been reawakened and now all you can think of is reuniting with this wonderful person.

You know you are both a whole lot older and expect some sign of age will be evident. You know they have acquired baggage along the way that must affect their outlook on life and their commitments. You have a fleeting thought about their health and well being. But in your heart of hearts you are hoping that the same person you knew will be stepping off that plane and you can pick up where you left off so many years before. The moment of truth has arrived and as you stand in front of each other you can see a vague resemblance of the person you knew. But you feel a "click". It's like you never lost touch.

You comment on how ironic it is that you are both single at the same time and try to remember why you separated years ago. Surely you have found each other at this place and time because now it is meant to be. You are just going to pick up where you left off.

Wrong.

Wanting something badly doesn't make it right. You are both different people and time will reveal that. It doesn't mean you couldn't be right for each other. But it does mean you still need to get to know each other. After an initial honeymoon period of reminiscing and reconnecting reality will set in. People in pain over a divorce or widowhood will want to extend the honeymoon as long as possible. They may even marry quickly. But it pays to be cautious. Face reality- they can't possibly be the same.

Don't be afraid to learn how they have changed. And let them know how you have changed. Don't root the relationship in the past. Bring it into the present. Ask questions about what they have been doing with their lives. A response of 'I can't talk about it. It's too painful' is not sufficient. 'Trust me, you don't want to know' won't make it either. Every relationship needs an honest give and take of information and communication. These types of responses indicate a person withholding information. You may be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt because you remember them as open and honest. You still need to know about their lives as you would any other new potential mate.

Reveal who you have become. You have also changed over the years and want to be accepted for who you are now- not the kid you were. Don't hide your warts- you will never be 18 again. You've earned the gray hair and wrinkles. It means you've been alive.

Rushing into a committed relationship with a stranger - yes a stranger, is a bad idea. Maybe being great friends is the best way to go. Don't let your desire to go back to a time before you made your mistakes and before life got so complicated blind you into believing that being with this person will start life again for you back there. Just give it time. With a little luck the best may lay ahead.