Revelations on What Makes a Good Wife

We have all heard the statistics- nearly one out of every two marriages will end in divorce. Those are some pretty hefty odds that somewhere down the line, you'll be separating out silverware and crystal to determine who gets what.

Having been married for 15 years, I would like to offer a few of my "revelations" regarding the institution of marriage and what makes a good wife.

The biggest "revelation" I have had within the past year regarding maintaining harmony between my spouse and myself dealt with respect. Sure, I have always respected my husband, but I didn't realize that there were degrees of respect. Oftentimes, he holds an opinion that I do not share. In the past I would listen to his opinion, (disagreeing quietly with a discriminate roll of my eyes) then offer my own "superior" opinion. Sometimes, my eloquence would be enough to convert his opinion to my own, but other times... not so much. And ultimately, privately, I would think him a fool for holding such a backward, nearsighted, "countrified" belief. It was within this negative thinking I realized how important it is to allow your husband his opinion with no judgment subjected by you (the ever dutiful wife). Opinions help define a person's character, and if you are married to that character, then you have to be devoted as well, or at least, nonjudgmental, about that person's opinions.

Are you available to your spouse - emotionally - and yes, physically? You love your husband, you want him to be happy, and you want your actions to cause (at least some) of that happiness. In 2007, we are all busy. It cracks me up when I hear someone say, "I'm so busy with my kid's plays, ballet recital, soccer practice..." etc etc, we've all heard it, and guess what, we are ALL busy. But sometimes, even more importantly than spending time with your kids (as long as they are not regularly ignored, of course) - is to spend time with your husband; fifteen minutes, one-half hour to talk about everything, and nothing. Allow for this connection between the minds and it will lead into a connection between the bodies. Not in the mood? Rejection is a part of life, but if your husband is coming to you for physical fulfillment and you regularly reject him, you are doing nothing to further the bond between you. I'm not suggesting he have his way with you every moment of the day, but consider giving in now and again, even when you aren't in the mood. You will be surprised at how quickly you do get into the mood, and how one love-making session sparks another, and another...

In a perfect world, the husband does 40% of the household work, the wife does 40% and the children (assuming they've just reached chore-managing age) do the remaining 20%. In the real world, some husbands do more, some do less, but for you to feel confident and productive as a good wife, you should always do more than what you think you should do. There is a caveat here - don't overdo it so much you start feeling angry and resentful. The hope and promise here lies in the idea that if your spouse sees you giving 110%, then he, too, will give 110% and (again, ideally) everyone will be happy. This also works because people get ill, or handicapped in some way from time to time, leaving the well spouse in charge. There will be less resentment if there is a sense of prior work-load harmony.

Another important revelation that comes from quite a few years of a marriage in progress is the idea that you never (and I mean never) badmouth your husband to your friends, family or children. Children, are essentially a given, many women realize this already. But it's difficult to keep those ill-thoughts and anger from your mother, or sister when you are ready to blow off steam. Remember, though, long after you have forgotten and forgiven him, the friends and family members you've chosen to vent to will have a hard time forgetting, leaving your spouse in a bad light. So hold your tongue and do your best to work your problems out with (gasp) your husband.

Nobody likes to be made fun of, in elementary school we called it bullying, teasing, just plain mean. But, in marriage, it is okay to poke "playful" fun. Much akin to flirting, when you poke fun at your husband in a playful and intimate way, this will (hopefully) help him see that you accept him for all that he is - flaws and all.

These are certainly not all of the ingredients needed for a good-marriage recipe. Below are a few more ideas to consider.

Shared sense of humor
Talks - both surface and intimate
Allowing him to treat you like a queen
Flirting
Ego stroking/praise

Undoubtedly, in another fifteen years I might be able to add a few more zingers to this list. I consider it an innate aspect of my "job" as a wife to discover new ways to further the bond of my marriage. I hope, in some small way, this inspires you to, as well.