Reverse Culture Shock: Coming Home

When we go to another country we often experience what is called "culture shock." It's a bit ironic that we could be shocked by something that we are clearly expecting. We have a term for it, which means we should expect a foreign country to have a foreign culture, therefore the "shock" element is negated. But what happens when you're abroad for a long period of time, and have to go through the "re-entry" process?

Can you really be shocked by your own culture? This for me is the real "shock." I just returned home after two and a half years living in South Africa with the Peace Corps. In even this short time away, I've found some interesting bumps in my road to re-entry. They are things that truly "shocked" me.

For starters, how can anyone who has never been to a place (or been there only as a tourist) really understand your experience? When I say I'd lived in South Africa I am often greeted with a barrage of ignorant questions. I am shocked at how little people know about South Africa. In some cases, most people ask "What country were you in?" to which I replied "South Africa" to which they replied, "I know, but what country?" I have to stop rolling my eyes and take myself back two and a half years. What was my knowledge of the country before living there? We cannot expect everyone to know everything about every country in the world, and without a specific interest in South Africa, why would they know more than "Nelson Mandela" and "apartheid?" I had this vision of coming home and talking about my experience abroad as if everyone could relate. But could I even have related three years back? Probably not.

Secondly, there is the shock, that living abroad, just isn't that interesting. When people say "How was it?" what they really want to hear is "It was cool. So anyway, how are things with you?" You have approximately three minutes to recap your entire experience abroad before the listener gets bored and uninterested.

As for the "culture" part of the shock, it ranges from huge to small. For one, most people living abroad, especially in English speaking societies, often pick up an altered vocabulary. Send me an SMS, turn left at the robot, give me chips with that burger and fill up the car with petrol replaces texting, traffic lights, French fries and gasoline. In addition to that, most Americans abroad, no matter the country, have to get used to the metric system. Returning to miles just seems confusing.

Another "shock" is something that came up a lot in South Africa. Most of the many cultures in South Africa are very indirect compared to Americans. In South Africa, I was always accused of being "rude" and "abrupt." And yet, after coming back to New York, I feel the same way about the people I used to feel at home with. I didn't even realize that over two and a half years, I'd mellowed out.

Friendships have also been redefined. In South Africa making a phone call costs an arm and a leg, even after the currency is converted back into dollars. However, it's next to nothing to send an SMS, or text message. So most people in SA, rather just text everything, instead of phoning. This put a strain on many of my long distance friendships in South Africa. I would call almost everyday, stupidly forgetting how much money it was costing, and most of my friends did not always answer the phone, let alone understand why I was phoning. They seem to reserve phone calls for very special people or very special occasions. As an American, not being in touch regularly, for me, was a sign that the friendship wasn't weakening. Now, flash forward three years and when my friends call me in America, I am hesitant to answer, or miss the call and respond with a text. And I hesitate to make a call, because the cost is on my mind, and I have to be reminded that my monthly phone bill is paid, and my calls are free.

Crossing streets and driving have been am adjustment as well, since they drive on the left side of the road in South Africa. I look right, and book it into the street, only for a yellow cab to wiz by me from the left, honk and give me the finger, like a good-mannered New Yorker would do in such a situation. Even spending money hurts. The dollar was so strong to the South African Rand, and the cost of living is so low in South Africa, especially when compared to New York. It's hard to imagine spending 50 rand on a cup of coffee, but dropping 5 bucks at a Starbucks never sent shock waves through me three years ago.

So what can you do to better cope with this "reverse culture shock?" I think for starters, most people adjust to things better when the shock value is minimal. Expect it. Know that when you come home from an extended time overseas, there will be things that were once "normal" for you that now seem uncomfortable or even weird.

Also, it is important to understand that going overseas isn't the most exciting thing in the world for everyone. Not everyone is interested, not everyone cares, and not everyone has a broad knowledge of every other country in the world. I am not interested in soccer, for example, and if a friend of mine just got back from the World Cup (ironically in South Africa), I would have little interest in their stories, while they might think of it as a milestone experience. It's the same for people abroad. What might be life-altering for us, may just not be that interesting to anyone else.

On the contrary, you will find interested people in unexpected places. The receptionist at the doctor's office, for example help me up for 45 minutes asking questions and begging to see photos. It was an unexpected and pleasant surprise. On the contrary, how can you ever answer in a way that people can grasp? I was asked things ranging from "What's it like in South Africa?" "Did you miss your family?" and "What was the racial climate like now that apartheid is over?" Not exactly doctor's office reception type discussions.

I've spent time preparing my cookie cutter answer. It's an answer about my experience that can be recited in the amount of time it takes to walk from the store to the car in the parking lot, because that's about how long people will want to listen. It is also long enough to spark interest in anyone who wants to further the discussion. Then you can elaborate from there in a more genuine answer.

Whether you're coming home from the jungles of Africa or downtown London, there are going to be things that seem "different" upon returning home. Most of the differences are fun and interesting to note, while others can make you feel not at home in your own home. Knowing who you are, and being flexible are key in the re-adjustment process. Experiencing different cultures, landscapes and lifestyles is after all, why most people overseas choose to be overseas.