Review and Comedic Analysis of Smallville

Smallville is a hit cable TV show that begins the story when Clark Kent enters his first year of High School. Most of the characters are taken out of Superman and DC comic books. The show follows the adventures of a young Clark Kent, before he has ever thought of becoming Superman. He makes friends, fights bad guys, and slowly learns and develops his budding superhero powers.

Smallville is categorized by IMDB (Internet Movie Database) as Action / Adventure / Drama / Sci-Fi / Thriller. It also features its fair share of humor and romance.

If you are a fan of the comics, do not expect Smallville to follow canonical Superman. The show should not be considered a prequel to the Superman movies. Neither should Smallville be taken too seriously by itself. It is entertaining, engaging, and occasionally intriguing, but it is not fine art or vintage wine, nor should it be.

Because there is no better way to understand something than to experience it, provided below is a more in-depth and analytical view of Smallville, noting its patterns and poking holes into its already-thin plot lines. This is intended for fun. In no way has any affiliate of the Smallville staff contributed to this summary, nor should the details or result of this summary be taken seriously.

*A mysterious explosion, tinged with green, lights up the sky.*

Lana: Hi Clark, I'm pretty!
Clark: Everyone here is pretty Lana, but for some reason, you are hailed as their queen.
Unknown person: Hello everyone, remember me?
Lana: Of course, Tim, you've been in our class for years, but for some reason you've never appeared before now.
Tim: Well, I've been stalking you forever, and I wanted to ask you out.
Lana: I see no problem with this!
Clark: Lana, don't date that guy. I don't trust him.
Lana: Clark, stop being so protective! I know everyone I've ever dated has turned out to be homicidal, obsessed with me, or tragically dies while deeply in love with me. But we can't live in the past, and I refuse to listen to the idea that there's anything wrong with Tim.

Clark: Chloe, I need your help.
Chloe: What's going on?
Clark: Something is wrong that doesn't involve me at all, and I need your absurdly intricate and illegal contacts to uncover secrets about other people. Specifically, the guy who's dating Lana. He looked at me funny.
Chloe: Sure thing, I'll just hack a few private databases and blackmail people into giving me confidential medical and police records.

Lex: I don't understand what went wrong. We've never had success with our meteor rock experiments, why should anything go wrong now?
Scientist: I die dramatically!
Lex: Crap.

Chloe: Clark, I figured out what's going on. That explosion triggered by meteor rock must have sped up Tim's metabolism. Also, his molecules are vibrating ultra fast.
Clark: What does that mean?
Chloe: Well, I'm no scientist, but obviously this means that Tim can phase through objects, punch through walls, and control people with his mind.
Clark: Of course, it all makes sense! And since his molecules are vibrating at super sonic speeds, we should be able to stop him with a unique frequency broadcast from a speaker system! Get me three triple A batteries and a lemon!

Tim: Clark! You have somehow blocked my powers! And it's something simple enough for a teenage meddler to find and operate! Oh woe!
Clark: Ha ha! I succeeded in interrupting your date with Lana, and now you are powerless.... wait a minute... is that Kryptonite?
Tim: What, you mean this green rock that's responsible for every weird thing to happen in Smallville? You mean the green rock that's around every freaking corner?
Clark: My only weakness! Now there's no way my heavy handed and black and white view of justice can be enforced with physical violence and illegal search and seizure!
Tim: I'm going to kill you now.
Lex: Not so fast! You see, I managed to put two and two together, Clark actually has spectacular powers! I'm going to help him by stopping you now. I actually am a good person, and I'm sure everyone has their dark side, but with friends and support I can keep mine in check. I'm like a new man!
*Lex gets hit in the head by an owl or something. I don't care.*
Clark: You saved me Lex, what do you remember?
Lex: ...Nothing... that's, like, the fifth time that's happened to me!
Clark: *whew*

Lana: Clark, I was wrong to doubt you. I was also wrong to ever be interested in anyone other than you, as it has never, ever gone well. Ever. Nonetheless, I believe in the power of love, and I will not allow a history of nothing but miserable failure to dampen my optimism.
Chloe: Clark, please look at me! I've committed felonies on your whims and walked into life threatening situations on your behalf. For three minutes just tear your eyes off Lana and look at me!
Lex: As the person with the most common sense, I'm going to make some executive decisions around here. Lana, Chloe, here are some first-class tickets to a quiet nunnery on the coast. Neither of you can be trusted to have boyfriends; come back when you're both gay. Clark, I've learned from the past and I've started recording everything that happens to me. I would have accepted you if you had just told me about your powers, but for some reason you thought it was okay to stand aside while I suffered strange head injuries, bouts of amnesia, and was drugged. So now I'm evil. Good job.
Clark: There was no way I could have seen this coming!

*Teenage pop music swells in the background.*
*Lex lives happily ever after in his giant mansion, sipping fine scotch and wearing a Clark Kent skull as a hat.*