Rewarding Our Children in Moderation is Acceptable

Parenting is a difficult job, especially in today's world where most of the children are growing up in a household where both parents are working. As well as the parent that stays at home, it is becoming increasingly difficult to parent. The hype of the media and socialization along with extra curricular activities has taken a burden on us all. But is all this added stress causing extra rewarding in our children's behavior. Are we compensating for the lack of what we may feel is quality time?

I pose this question, because I am guilty of it as well. I find that today children are given incentives to do what should be already expected of them such as obtaining good grades in school, arriving in a timely fashion, cleaning their rooms and the list can go on. Is this type of rewarding healthy? I question that, because growing up I did not get an extra five bucks for coming home with a good report card instead I got a pat on the back and a "you did a great job" this was all I knew. And I knew not to expect more, "Why should I?" I only did what I was expected to do.

But today I hear from my own children as well as others, "Will you buy me or give me something if I get a good grade on a test?" "If I clean my room will I get this or that?" And again this list drags on and on. Part of me says, "Heck no, you are suppose to get a good grade or you are suppose to clean your room," but then the little angel on my shoulder whispers something in my ear and I in turn say, "Of course."

While researching this topic it was obvious that I am not the only one using rewards as an incentive to get my children to perform certain behaviors. There were many articles on this subject, but yet when I asked several friends they all tried to stand their ground by saying, "I never do that," or "Not my children." Either they are in denial or they are the exception to what is really happening.

What I found from most of my reading and according to parents.com rewarding is acceptable in moderation and should be done in the form of praise by bolstering children's self-esteem and not by monetary or materialistic things. I totally agree with this type of rewarding because not only are they gaining your approval in doing certain tasks but as well you are increasing the child's confidence. If you feel the need to praise with a worldly object then it should be kept small and of little money value as not to make it an expensive habit. In Rewarding with Positivity the author explains age appropriate behaviors and incentives or rewards that may be utilized to entice your child to get the task done without going overboard.

"Are we rewarding our children too much?" I can't speak for everyone else but from my personal experience I have to say yes, and behavior modification should be done immediately in order to create real life values in my own children. Today I see adults that do not hold themselves accountable for their own actions and I wonder if it's because they were used to having incentives or rewards as a child so now they do not know what is truly just expected of them.

Finally, one of the most key phrases that I took away from researching was, "The real rewards that your children receive will be their readiness for the complex and demanding world that awaits them-- a world that rewards those who have learned the secrets of discipline responsibility. So keep those shiny carrots to yourself, and let your kids find their own rewards," taken from Should Parents Reward Their Children?

Resources:

http://www.parents.com/parents/story.jsp?storyid=/templatedata/ab/story/data/1142352915447.xml
http://ezinearticles.com/?Rewarding-With-Positivity&id=478132
http://www.familyresource.com/parenting/character-development/should-parents-reward-their-children