Richard Pryor, Where Art Thou? Eddie Murphy Needs You!

"Norbit", in a theater near you, is not even slapstick. It's . . It's . . . reversed-engineered condescension, an absurd demand on the viewing public that if we can all laugh together at physical "otherness" ("too fat", too thin", "too yellow", "too black" etc., you name it) then that's what "feeling At One with humanity" must feel like. Really, now . . . Some of us think otherwise....

Norbit Rice (Eddie Murphy) --note the wordplay in Norbit, as in "In orbit", i.e., "I'd rather be pretending I'm not here rather than face the horror of my fate") , the protagonist, finds himself as a new-born being thrown out of a truck window and landing on the steps of an orphanage set outside Anytown, USA, and run by Mr. Wong (yes, Eddie Murphy, thanks to Rick Baker, special FX Master), a Chinese family man. Clunk! The truck disappears into the night, and thus starts Norbit's life as an orphan. Geek-looking and shy, he befriends Kate (played by Thandie Newton later as a grown-up), a little Asian girl in the orphanage, and they become soul-mates. Right after the two children create their "wedding ceremony" under a magic tree, the little girl is taken away by an adopting family. Norbit is inconsolable, and as he grows up amidst bullying from other orphans, he gets rescued one day by a "very" hefty girl by the name of Rasputia. (Rasputia . . . No-Respite . . . Rasputin . . get it? . . i.e., the dark counselor to the crown of Russia before the fall of the Empire in 1918... Now that's truly funny!) Rasputia grabs his hand and doesn't let go. Literally. He becomes her protege, and later starts working as an accountant at Rasputia's three brothers' crooked construction company in town. By then, Rasputia (Eddie Murphy; no, not a typo) has become . . . enormous --for instance, she's later denied entrance to the local amusement park's water-slide because of her size. The two get married (Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy) blessed by the enthusiastic (and "racially-charged," might I say) wedding toast of Mr. Wong (Eddie Murphy).

Hen-pecked and screamed at, Norbit bears all. We're spared nothing: from the exposed rolls of fat to the bikini-wax to the 4-inch-long nails, to the flatulent noises of Rasputia, whose fast trash-talking black-ghetto wisdom skewers everyone. Are we to believe that a woman's power is in her actual size, voice AND body, that is? Are you confused? I certainly am confused. I thought we left all those cliches with the lost dust-bunnies of this past turn-of-the-century . . .

Re-enters Kate (sorry, no, NOT Eddie Murphy, but Thandie Newton; aren't you relieved?), returning to Anytown to purchase the orphanage and help Mr. Wong (YES, YES, YES, Eddie Murphy) run it. Her sweet temper and super-lithe appearance contrast deeply with Rasputia's overbearing abundance (Enlighten me here: Is Mr. Murphy telling us that "thin is better"? Better than what, exactly?).
Norbit and Kate end up together, marrying under the same childhood tree, not without going through all sorts of twists and turns.

They eventually manage to run Rasputia and her three crooked brothers as well as Kate's two-faced fiance Delon (Cuba Gooding Jr.) out of town.

I don't know about you, but I'm out of breath. Pass the mints, please. And the salts, and Gloria's Steinem's phone number, while you're at it. Meanwhile in the theater, on a typical Saturday night with all the kids (of all races) out and rambuncting about (don't look it up, I just made that word up), there were a few good laughters. After a while, the predictability of it all drew less and less reactions from the audience. Yours truly looked at her watch a few times.

One very sweet moment --Eddie/Norbit, standing-in for Delon, manages to declare his love to Kate during the wedding rehearsal--, and one other great moment --the two soft-hearted town pimps with the superbly-chosen names, Pope Sweet Jesus (Eddie Griffin) and Lord Have Mercy (Katt Williams) decide to block the intended wedding ceremony between Delon and Kate by throwing in a show-stopping performance right before the "I-do", with fabulous mayhem ensuing, thereby allowing Norbit to arrive on time and save the day.
Two great moments do not a feature-length film make. I'd vote five shoes out of six (as in "walking out" . . .). On second thought, hand me that Segway, will you?

Until next time . . . direct from Napa, this is . . . The Blind Movie Fan, signing off.

http://www.meetnorbit.com/
http://www.theblissblog.com