Ridiculous Fashionstatements of the Past You Certainly Wouldn't Wear Today!

When I was young folks definitely dressed differently and thought nothing of it.Hats and gloves, no matter the weather and stockings and skirts for the girls. The hat and gloves were removed indoors of course,mainly because it was somewhat impractical. After the bra-burning of the sixties women started to look a bit (some very) casual. The morale became a lot more casual too. "Make love no babies" was the outcry, although this didn't always go hand in hand. Since there were no restrictions in the shape of tight corsets anymore, some of the previous small waisted women became hippos overnight. And since women started this sloppy trend, men all over the world, who previously hadn't cared one iota about fashion, followed. And so we entered the seventies.

The music became also sloppy. While during the fifties softly played chamber music must have been the hight of utter coolness, the sixties was experienced as a shock by anyone over 20. Stunned parents saw their kids behaving like raving lunatics.Although the Marge Simpson-like hair-dos stayed firmly in place, due to liberal applying of hurricane-proof hairspray, the rest of the bodies were caught up in a weird rain dance only seen by medicine men in Dark Africa. This didn't last long, because someone, early on in the seventies, discovered if you smoked marijuana, things looked a whole lot better. As a matter of fact, you became so relaxed you fell asleep, so you didn't have to move at all. And some died, not moving ever again. For folks who were still alive this was as well because the jeans were so tight, once you had them on, it was better to keep them on until they fell off your body. And all the while Jimmy Hendrix was playing the guitar well and singing badly. But we didn't notice.One of the main reasons was that we couldn't see well through all that hair, and secondly our ears were stuffed with cotton wool, kindly provided by caring parents who didn't want ear-damaged kids. And so the end of the seventies came.

I'm sure a lot of you still remember John Travolta in the days when he still thought carefully which religion to choose. Together with Olivia he danced the night away, albeit feverish. Barry Gibb still had all his hair and flairs were "in". Barry didn't need platformed soles under his feet, but wore them anyway, and previously thought small people the size of a garden-gnome suddenly became 6ft. tall. Tall people didn't become small though, they just became 8ft.

But what exactly is "cool" and acceptable? During the Middle Ages it was very sexy to show your ankle. Men came running when a woman was "sweet of breath". This referred to the one or two who had a mint plant tucked away in the herb garden and chewed non-stop on the tasty leaves like Bazooka-gum. Today is no different. Although no men come running when you chew on a leaf instead of having a good dental plan. But what is astonishing is that the dresses were cut out to the waist and bare breasts were for all to see! The nipples were rouged to attract even more attention. This was a usual sight in down-town Paris, where all the action was. But in between everything else was decently covered.

The be-wigged men didn't bare anything, let go their chests. But they thought it was irresistible to a woman to have the calves the size of a football. They put as much stuffing in their stockings as they could, without tearing them. Since the pants were dangerously short the calves were highly visible. I'm no historian and not entirely sure if this spectacle went on at the same time but it must have been a sight, there in France.

To take a stroll down the streets of a town around 1500 was no simple affair. People emptied their chamberpots by throwing them out of the window, usually ending up on someone else's head. This was actually not too bad, considering the wigs, worn by nearly everybody, crawled with lice, so these same contents must have had their use. But the ladies smelled it and came up with a solution: a ball of fat containing perfume. The idea was that the ball melted in the warm sunshine and released the perfume. Slithering with chicken fat the ladies would walk the not too hygienic alleys, smelling like roses, while tripping over debris.

Going back further to the Early Middle Ages ladies wore large cones on their heads. These hats were entirely unpractical for general movement. Keeping in mind that the doorways were already much lower than today, since the people were barely 5ft, they must have crawled over the flagstones in their castles going from room to room. After somehow attaching a heavy metal chastity belt to their lady-loves, it is no wonder the men took off to the Holy Land,for years on end. Keys to the chastity belts firmly tucked away in the back pocket (only to lose them again somewhere around the corner of their own castles) they trotted off, taking half of the population with them. Clad in heavy coat of mail they must have been a blinding sight to the ladies. Yes, these Early Middle Agers were into real "heavy metal" by the looks of it.

In retrospection the Huns were better off. They didn"t care at all about fashion. They just killed an animal and arranged it around their bodies the best they could.But isn't that exactly what a Fashion Designer these days does? Draping fabric around a body? And you are paying what for it?