Roadkill - a Travelers Guide

Since money was tight my husband had the brilliant idea of making this summers vacation a family road trip. He said we would see the country while having a great time bonding with the kids. Frankly, spending three weeks in the car with two young teens didn't sound like a great idea to me. But I knew he felt badly that we couldn't afford to send them to sleep away camp as we did every year so I agreed to go. After a few days I was suicidal. The singing had stopped; we had seen license plates from every state; fast food was making me sick; and the fighting in the back seat was growing vicious.

Then I saw it -there in the road - a stinky, mushed up, yucky, unidentifiable thing. The kids wanted to know what it was. I had no idea. They actually seemed interested. I had one of those "light bulb" moments. For the rest of the trip we would watch for and make note of what kind of roadkill we found as we travelled. They loved the idea. And so now I would like to share with you "Roadkill - A Travel Guide to Identifying Dead Things Along The Road in the USA".

Our trip began in New York City and took us down the east coast. Mostly squirrels and raccoons there. But they are hard to actually find because most of the New York furriers are out really early in the morning to gather them up. You don't find as many rats as you might expect. Most of them can get good jobs in NY and so they have nice homes.

Going through Pennsylvania and Maryland you begin to see some deer. But they also are hard to find. Apparently the local hunters are pretty bad shots and so they scout out the deer in the road and take them home as use the heads as trophies for their walls. Later in the trip we found out that they do the same thing in Texas only there they eat the rest. They call them beastfests. Lipsmakin' for sure!

The Carolinas had possums and foxes. You see quite a number of those. I guess the weather is too hot for fur coasts and the folks in the Carolinas have a more upscale palate then those in Texas.

Florida was interesting. We saw alligator and manatee. There they lay - unclaimed. I assume retired folks don't care anymore about making a couple of bucks on the skins but if those New York guys were down there they would scoop them up for sure. Alligator roadkill handbags would be the latest rage.

Moving across the Gulf Coast we came to Alabama. That's where you see armadillo. They don't mush well because of their hard shells but they stink with a pungent aroma that is distinctly southern. Don't miss them when you travel. It's a must-see.

Then it was on to Texas where no real cowboy would let any good roadkill go to waste. No sirree! The good thing about Texas is you can come across roadkill any time of the day or night so you don't have to make much of an effort to find it. Roadkill is such an important part of the economy in Texas that a team called "Roadkill" won the State Aerobics Contest. You can find everything from calves and deer to pigs and deer. Roadkill aficionados will feel like pigs in ---- in Texas.

At this point we needed to turn around and begin our trip home. Oklahoma had lots of skunks. Tennessee had bobcats and beavers. West Virginia had possum and squirrel. So we knew we were almost home.

I hope you will find this guide informative and hopefully you and you family will use it on your next cross country trip. The kids have made us promise that next year we will do the west coast and I personally hope to include Hawaii. I hear the black hairy pigs there are to die for!