Roadside Memorials - Peculiar New Trend or Lasting Tradition?

My earliest memory of a roadside memorial occurred in the early 1980s. I was newly married and John Lennon had been shot and killed outside of his New York city apartment building. I'm sure we all remember the crazed fan who somehow loved John enough to kill him. Whereby the rest of John Lennon's true fans were left bewildered and grief stricken. I watched from my living room as mourners arrived at The Dakota where the Lennon's lived and left tokens of their love and support. It amazed me how the side walk and the actual spot where Mr. Lennon had been slain was layered with flowers, candles, pictures, poems, letters and people. The people were standing frozen all night singing John's songs and swaying back and forth while tears poured down glistening cheeks. I was only twenty years old at the time. John Lennon and I shared a birthday. I remember thinking if I lived close enough to New York that I would have been among the saddened throng of mourners. That was the first time I witnessed a memorial that did not occur at a graveside.

As time went on I noticed that the act of memorializing a person at the exact spot where they died was not only for the famous and well known celebrities. It came to my attention as I entered my thirties that white crosses were springing up on the side of local highways like dandelions. At first there were just a handful here and there. Eventually, they seemed to be everywhere. Country roads held whole trees covered with memorabilia from fatal car crashes. It is very disconcerting to take a drive and happen upon a tree that has pink and blue balloons tethered to a broken fence. Especially when beneath the fence I find fluffy teddy bears and big bowed puppy dogs that symbolize the loss of a child. I try to understand the emotion that drives people to create memorials such as this. Oh, I understand the heart wrenching loss and grief but I don't quite grasp the location.

Cemeteries are where the remains of loved ones are buried. If not then they may rest in an urn in a private home. These places are where it was customary to visit and leave flowers. To sit and reminisce and grieve privately. I'm a grave talker myself. You can find me occasionally at a grave talking to the ground and weeping if I feel the need. I don't think I could do that at a tree where bits of my loved ones flesh may still be embedded therein. This growing trend of memorializing someone at the exact location of their death is a haunting reminder to strangers that someone died "right here". Perhaps, that is the key to why people feel the need to carry out such public displays. I would like to make it known to my loved ones that should I pass away at the end of my street please do not hang balloons off the stop sign that may be twisted into a right angle. Don't hang balls of yarn or bits of fabric to tell the world I loved to knit and sew. Don't even be a grave talker on my account.

Everyone needs a way to channel their grief. Finding a healthy alternative to garish roadside memorials may serve everyone better. If a loved one dies in a hospital no one will line the side walk there with flowers and stuffed animals. It seems that only the deaths due to trauma or violence of some sort are given this type of treatment. A family that I love very much lost a young person to a terrible accident by the side of the road. This lovely family channeled their love and grief in a beautiful tribute. They gathered on a special day and wrote letters to their loved one. The whole family was included, especially the young children. They tied their letters to balloons that were filled with helium. After a time of quiet reflection they prayerfully released the multi colored memorial that gently rose up into the sky. The balloons resembled teardrops as they floated away carrying the words of love from each family member up into the heavens. This was truly a unique and personal way to channel the grief and sadness of this remarkable family. I think this is a healthy alternative to a roadside memorial that in a short amount of time may end up just resembling trash.