I suppose that we have all dreamed of the perfect lover, one who is compliant to our every need and desire. One who is there for you when you want them and one that you can turn off and put in the closet when you don't. A robot, a sex machine.

According to Henrik Christensen a member of the European Robotics Research Network, "People are going to be having sex with robots within five years,"

This conjures up amazing pictures in my mind. I'm a man, after all. According to the urban myth, men think about sex every seven seconds. Perhaps this myth isn't true, but it sounds plausible. My imagination is running wild now. I'm thinking of The Angelina Model 2.1 with even bigger lips and simulated social awareness. And the Brad OSX with perfect hair and dual hydraulic pumps that will deliver real sperm at exactly 98.6 degrees. This could take care of child molestation as well. They could just make juvenile robots. Problem solved.

The idea a sex with a machine is not new. It's the inevitable intersection of Sex and Technology. Women have been having sex with robots for ages. They are called dildos. But robotics have advanced in recent years. Now the idea of a human-like sex robot is not so far-fetched. If they can make a mechanical bull that simulates real bucking then surely they can make a computerized Significant Other that can simulate real fucking. Maybe this is not so revolutionary. I know what it is like to have sex with a robot. After all, I've been married.

We can only imagine what this is going to do to the sex industry. Will we phase out working girls and gigolos in favor of warm, flesh-like machines that are programmed with every sexual trick in the book and learn your desires as they operate and are disease free and can be turned off with a remote control? Are we ready for RoboHo?

This presents a problem of physics and engineering. Men require friction and resistance and women require lubrication and romance. These physical and emotional contradictions will present problems for the robot designers. For men they will only need to invent a robot that will do a little moaning and groaning and assume the basic postures. For women, the robot will need to dispense flowers and candy and trinkets, write love poetry, be able to convincingly pretend that he is listening and feign sensitivity as well as paint, mow the lawn and repair automobiles. It's a much more complex robotic engineering problem.

On what fuel will these sex machines run? Will it be gasoline or ethanol or pure artificial love power? Will they add to global warming just with pure animal heat? And if we can have robot whores and sex toys, why not RoboPoliticos? We could have a robot president that repeats the same stock phrases over and over like Chatty Cathy when you pull the string. Wait, we already have that.

The Poet's Eye sees that the intra-mural strife between the sexes is the root of all evil. Maybe technology can save us.

The olfactory sensor's overloaded
The circuit boards are jammed with romance
everybody knows that girls love robots
Photoelectric eye can see
its been programmed with loyalty
when it gets weary we'll install another
It's so simple
When human beings break
--Pollen Girls

Published by Lightning Rod

Lightning Rod writes a column of social and political commentary entitled The Poet's Eye. It is a sometimes irreverent look at life and current events.  View profile