Rod Stewart Booed from Existence

(Ledyard, CT) At a sold-out show at Foxwoods Resort Casino, aging soft-rocker Rod Stewart was booed so furiously by concert-goers that he completely faded from existence.

Stewart made it through only three songs in his set before a thunderous crescendo of boos from the crowd caused the sixty-one year old "Maggie May" singer to collapse inward and disappear from the stage. After murmurs of disbelief in the audience, an employee of Fox Theater informed the concert patrons that Stewart could not continue the show. The representative then announced to the crowd that since Ticketmaster was ticketing the event, no refunds would be issued. Following this declaration, an angry mob stormed the stage before police units were called in to subdue the throngs.

Reaction to the crooning hot-woman canoodler has been generally negative following his disappearance. "It serves him right," remarked Joanna Miller of West Hartford. "Ninety-five bucks to see this crap? He makes Clay Aiken look like Mick Jagger. I was so bored I thought I was going to piss myself just to make something interesting happen."

"Ugghhh...I can't believe my wife dragged me to see this," said James Roy of Cheshire. "The guy is about as exciting as a bowl of oatmeal. And what the hell is the deal with his hair? It looks like some kind of metrosexual spider plant. That aint natural, man."

Scientists believe that the combined sonic force of the audience's boos and taunts caused Stewart's entire being to be forced inward. However, the scientific community remains somewhat skeptical of the ability of a body to completely disappear without a resultant catastrophe of energy release. "I know it's not physically possible for him to completely disappear off the map like that, but who knows. The guy is such a tepid sellout that I'm convinced even physics itself would make an exception to wipe him off the earth," said Doctor Richard Damon of Fermi Lab.

Stewart's remaining ninety-two shows have been cancelled and the general public has been advised to wear protective face coverings for the next week to avoid accidental inhalation of potential remnants of the star.