Romancing Your Spouse: Mild to Wild Ideas

Love is like salsa. It can be mild, medium or spicy and still taste good. Whether acted upon separately or together, these are ideas which can keep passion flowing in a marriage. Each activity also means you have to communicate your thoughts and ideas with your lover-partner which creates a shared intimacy.

MILD

Window Shopping

Look for decorative items to place around the apartment or house. Don't plan to buy anything. But go on a "scavenger" hunt to look for pictures, knick knacks, throw rugs or collector's items. Dream together about something new you'd like to add to your home.

Enjoy a Picnic

Bread, cheese, fruit . . . or steak! Hey, even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches could work. Whether in a park, hiking trail or even in the snow packing a picnic is something you can do together. Each of you choose one or two items you would like to pack.

Talk about Your First Date

Was it awkward? Were you nervous? Did you even notice each other? Whether you've been married for a year or 50 years, talking about the first time you were together could be cause for some romantic nostalgia.

Keep a Love List

Write a brief note at any time about the 5 things you really like about your spouse. Place it in their lunch, mail it to their work, or tape it to a mirror.

MEDIUM

Give 6-Second Hugs

During an especially discouraging time in our family's life, when the days were packed with noise and activity but nothing seemed like it was going well , my wife stopped one morning to squeeze me. We did a series of 6-second hugs with a quick kiss during the daytimes and they helped ease the pressures of our lives and opened communication for an improved sexuality.

Window Shop for Lingerie

If it's awkward for you to raise the issue, that's even more reason to shop together. You might walk in to a store like Victoria's Secret or have both of you scan the Internet to find something that you find appealing. Again, you don't necessarily have to buy anything. Or, you can make it more fun and compare designs and prices in Wal-Mart (seriously) to the upscale shops in your area.

Buy Massage Oil

There are wonderful scents and lotions available at upscale retail outlets but also at stores like Target and Rite Aid. Buy some massage oil and then tape a note to it inviting your partner for a sensual rubdown.

Write Erotic Poetry

I gave this to my wife for a Christmas gift and she loved it. The poems may be brief. But they're fun to write and will test your development as a writer. The goal is to provide sexy, sensual description without resorting to 4-letter words except "love."

Plan a Hotel Night - in Your Room

We're able to often block out the sounds of older teens while we do this now, but it's also been nice to get the kids out of the house with friends or other family members. Plan it on a Saturday afternoon or even try to schedule a weekday with a romantic bath, intimate massage and a glass of wine. Try to allow up to 3 hours and try to schedule it on a calendar twice per year.

WILD & SPICY

Sharing Your Fantasies

For years, too many years, I never thought I could express my fantasies to my wife and I would often sulk. Unfortunately, it's easier to share fantasies with a stranger via email and chat than it is your spouse. After all, nice people shouldn't "do" or "think" about those things.

But I began sharing through more intimate and detailed writing with my wife and it helped both of us open up to each other. Sharing like this can be vulnerable but is worth the intimacy. Simply talking about them can heighten a couple's eroticism.

Sensation Play

What a fun way to experience new sensations with your spouse. Some ideas include: blindfold your partner, use rope or simple, soft Velcro straps to tie their wrists to the headboard of the bed.

Whisper in his or her ear why you think they're hot. Then give a warm oil massage or find some soft fabrics and rub over their thighs, stomach and chest.

There really is no limit to the types of sensations you can experience together.

Limiting their movements, or the use of bondage, helps focus their senses.

Shaving

I don't mean looking in the mirror and running the razor quickly over your face, either.

Instead, light candles and after a bath or shower have your partner relax in bed and shave the areas that only you are privileged to see. Again, go slowly. Tease and be playful. Kiss. We've found it to be exciting. Add a bondage element to increase the excitement and sensation.

Fashion Show

The guys can have their ladies give them a fashion show, wearing something normal and routine then stripping to a favorite pair of bra and panties underneath. Adding fun postures and positions can make the time even more surprising.

Finally, Send a Thank-You Note

We don't have easy circumstances. Real life pounds on us every day and this article I wrote places these ideas in context. No matter what level you have enjoyed, be sure to send a thank-you note for the time together even if it was mild window shopping. This seals the communication cycle and prepares you for the next time, too.