Roommate Problems: a Guide to Solving Them

I will never forget that day when my roommate and I had this huge confrontation. It was just a petty thing that we didn't mind at first, only to find out later that we had grown to hate each other. We were definitely experiencing serious roommate problems at that point.

Did I let it be? No! I knew that it shouldn't end there. And guess what? We became the best of friends up to this date.

It is our nature to be unique from each other. It is the way of life that everyday, we have to encounter and deal with different people of different personalities. Especially if you're staying in the same room. It is actually your roommate who will be the first to see you at your best and at the same time your worst.

We cannot avoid conflict, disagreements and misunderstanding with somebody who shares the same roof with us. It is just normal. For how to work it out, here are some guides:

The Roots of Roommate Problems

When you are in a situation of inconvenience, awkwardness and anger, it is usual that strong emotions outrule our logical way of thinking and reasoning. And this is not the right time that you should involve yourself in an argument. You might expel hurtful words that you don't truly mean and regretfully, you can never take back.

First, isolate yourself from the situation. Assess yourself; be honest and admit that you made a mistake too. This will help you achieve calmness that may lead you to be more rational.

Second, try answering what you greatly dislike about your roommate: is your roommate too loud or too clumsy?

By self-realization, you may recognize the main root of the problem. And if you do so, what's next?

Two-way Communication in Solving Roommate Problems

It is not healthy to keep inside what's bothering you. If you find it comfortable, you can request for a heart-to-heart talk with your roommate. It is better to open-up at the early stage of disparity. But if you feel that you still don't have the guts to spill it out personally, you can write an honest letter to your roommate.

Your roommate might appreciate your action to initiate the first move. But make sure to give him/her the chance to express himself/herself too. Communication must be channeled between the two of you. And be ready to accept if he/she will comment on you too. You may not be aware that there is something wrong you are doing also. By doing these maneuvers, both of you can assess what is truly wrong, what needs to be improved, or come to a compromise.

However, if things are already in the worst situation, here is one piece of good advice:

Solving Roommate Problems: Find a Mediator

We may be biased with ourselves and our own judgments. In the actual scene of a heated confrontation, all you know is you're the only one correct. You may no longer listen to what is truly fair and reasonable. And this is also what your roommate will think and do for sure. Will the problem be solved?

This time, a mediator might help to reduce the intensity of an argument. The mediator might be your guidance counselor at school or might be your shared friend. A mediator must not take sides between you and your roommate. It is better that you talk first with the mediator separately so that he/she can hear both sides of the story. Then, it is better for both of you that you are agreeable to talk with the mediator together about your roommate problems. The mediator can stress your points as well as that of your roommate that will enable both of you to weigh and understand the situation and later he/she can suggest a solution that may be amenable to both of you.

You may wonder how I and my roommate patched up the broken glass between us. Well, there were actually a lot of mediators who voluntarily involved themselves before we decided to talk on our own. Maybe our pride that time was too high that no one wanted to give in first. These may be some of the great lessons I've learned in life: humility, honesty, acceptance and forgiveness.

"No man is an island." No one is indispensable. We will always find ourselves inside the complex chain of life where we have to interact and deal with one another in order to survive and improve. It is true that we cannot change who we are but there is always room for improvement.

As of today, every time we recall that incident, we just sit down and laugh about how stupid we are for arguing about such a petty thing.