Rowdy Rudolph Located!

NORTH POLE, Arctic Circle (ACNEWS) - RED-NOSED REINDEER LOCATED - Scheduled Flight a Go! Just moments ago, tens of thousands of searchers who have been combing the World high and low for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer have reported they have located the wayward venison. Rudy, as he's affectionately referred to among friends, had been missing since late Saturday night, shortly after Santa Clause admonished him for making drunken, rude comments to many of the elves present at Santa's Workshop's Annual Christmas party.

"Well you might just say he was getting a little gamey with some of the other guests," Mrs. Clause told the media late this morning. He was asked to go outside and get some fresh air and that was apparently the last anyone had heard from him. That is until a traveling gold prospector reported seeing the Jerky glow-nose painting the tundra red with the mythical Abominable Snowman. The prospector told AC News this morning that they were dancing and singing, looking for booze and women.

That tip led searchers to the cave of the aforementioned Mr. Snowman, who was passed out stone cold drunk. After rousing him, the hung-over Snowman reluctantly spilled the beans. "Well that little fella' can sure slam back the cocktails," Snowman snarled. "I had all I could take of the wilderness, we were out of booze and he insisted on continuing in search of some split-tail," Snowman revealed.

When searchers finally found Rudolph, he was passed out in a seedy motel room in Bakersfield, California. "We were so excited to find him and that he had a pulse, we didn't even realize that he wasn't alone," One rescue official told AC News.

After the initial excitement died down is when rescuers realized the two guests that were with the rogue Reindeer were none other than recently separated Brittany Spears and famous party girl Paris Hilton.

"The blonde is the one that was shooting movies," Rudolph started to say before he got his eyes opened enough to realize he was surrounded by as blonde as it gets. "The two fading starlets were fawning all over him until the Big Guy got on the phone," motel manager Cecil Sleazak told reporters. "After that it was all business for the guy with the horns." Sleazak said.

Rudolph said he's up to delivering presents to all the good boys and girls in the world tonight, but not before Clause made him promise to check into a rehab program first thing Tuesday morning. "We want to get him the help that he so obviously needs," Santa said. In fact, Old Saint Nick has even offered to get the two trollops that corrupted the bright light in Santa's eyes some help if they wanted.

"No, we're good old guy," the disappointing duo said as they hailed a passing pick-up full of suspected illegal migrant farm workers. As they jumped in the pick-up and it sped away, Hilton was heard saying, "we'll just ride these guys the rest of today."

So Rudolph's big adventure has ended in time, for him to take his place at the head of the line. Eight Reindeer will follow his nose's bright light, as they wish the whole World a Merry Christmas tonight.