Rules for the 'Other Woman'

When a person decides to settle for being second best in a relationship, there are certain realities that must be considered. Being number two, one can expect that the relationship will have hardships that other, more equal relationships, will not have. This is an easy list that helps prepare those who are considering that position.

1. Expect all holidays to be spent alone. The man who you are committed to is committed first to his actual family. The appearances must be maintained.

2. Expect your family will not know him. To introduce a married man to your family would be simply unacceptable. Your poor Mother! It would kill your Grandma, too, and what about your Dad?

3. Expect that, should you become pregnant, that it will be a lonely pregnancy. No one will come to your check ups. No one will be sitting beside you while you are in stirrups in a paper gown. The excitement of a baby will be lost to him, he may wish for an abortion. He certainly doesn't want to pay child support. He doesn't need another child. He probably has some with his mate.

4. Expect you will always be second fiddle. If you have a need or desire, it might be addressed, or it might not. Depends on how easy it is to fix or satisfy. If it is something easy like sex, where he benefits from it as well, it might be taken care of. If it is something important, maybe not. Remember, you are number two. #2. Only number one has the highest priority.

5. Expect to have lonely nights, lonely days, and lonely in-betweens. He will not be there to hold you, he is holding his wife. He will not be there to talk to; he is busy talking to his wife. He will not be playing with your children; he is busy playing with his own. Love isolation? Get used to it. You are on your own, for all intent and purpose.

6. Expect he will always be looking at others. His roving eyes caught you; he will grow bored with you, too. You weren't the first, you won't be the last. He will have run into people when he travels, goes away for business, he will not be faithful. Why should he be? Anyone who takes a ring off once, they will take it off again. It works for them. Instant gratification.

7. Expect heartbreak. Either he will not leave his wife or he will eventually replace you for a younger, prettier model. Note: There is ALWAYS someone younger and prettier. No amount of plastic surgery can make you feel better even if you now have perky boobs.

8. Expect if he leaves his wife and moves in with you, you will not be happy. Living with an illusion is more romantic than dirty underwear in the bathroom and snoring that keeps you awake. Try and figure out what you really like from this situation~ is it the challenge? It is not the man. You don't even know him. Not really. His wife thinks she knows him and look what he's doing to her.

9. Know you are settling. Instead of finding someone who might really make you happy, might really complete you, you are settling for someone else's idea of Prince Charming. He's not a prince. He's more like a frog. Commitment means little to him. He made a bond with this woman he is mistreating and you are an active accomplice to it. Unlike her who may be clueless, you are a willing participant to someone else's pain which is being intentionally inflicted.

10. Go out to the darkest place you can find, a gutter, a back alley, and look at the women there. These women are paid for sexual favors. They live hard and horrible lives. Look at their faces; ask them to tell you their stories. You are no better than they are. At least when they have a married man, there is no emotional bond. It is straight sex. These are your sisters. Your brethren. Is this what you want out of your life? If you don't, cut all ties. You can still pull up, pull out. Take charge of your life. No one wants to be second best. Change. You can do it. Wouldn't it be great to be proud of who you are dating? Wouldn't it be wonderful not to sneak around or be alone?

11. Find yourself before you find someone else. If you do not know who you are, you cannot love anyone else because you cannot love yourself. Free yourself. Stop the madness. Start again. Life is full of second chances. Give yourself one.