Rules for Parenting: Parent's Behavior at the Ball Field

Spring is in the air, and once again children across the country are pulling out their gloves and bats, or strapping on their shin guards, and join a team sport in their town or neighborhood. Some kids have visions of being a sports star. For others, it's a chance to play and compete with their friends. Most, however, do it because it's fun.

Unfortunately, this time of year also brings stories of a dad charging the field because he didn't like the umpires call, or a parent going after a coach for not playing their child. While those kinds of acts don't go on all of the time, just sit on the sidelines of a local baseball, softball, or soccer game, and listen to the parents. The things you hear are appalling. Everything from verbal attacks on the umpire or referee to loud criticisms of the way the children on the field are playing.

It's gotten out of hand, and it needs to stop. It's time to get out our Parenting Handbooks and brush up on our ball field etiquette. As a sometime coach and the parent of two student athletes, I feel somewhat qualified to tell you what is and what isn't acceptable behavior from parents.

Your main job on the sideline is to encourage the players. "Nice job", "Good play", or "Way to Hustle" are all appropriate things to yell to children on the field. "How many times are you going to let the ball get by you?" is not an encouragement. If there are weaknesses on the playing field it is the coaches job to address them. It is very discouraging for children to hear the parents publicly criticizing them. The parents behavior in the sideline can have a negative affect on their children on the field.

It is the coaches job to coach. As a coach of younger children, I felt one of my main jobs was player development. My job was to teach tem not only the skills of the game, but good sportsmanship and teamwork. It would have been much easier for me to put my strongest players on the field and leave them. That wouldn't have been fair to the weaker players on the team. They wouldn't have the opportunity to learn how to use their skill in gameplay. I have discovered through the years that weaker players get better when given a chance to develop, and many times surpass the better players. Many times I would work on things during the game that were aimed more at learning and developing the players than it was at winning that particular game.

The problem occurs when parent who are not aware of what I am working on, begin to coach their children to do something that was different from what I told them to do. I would tell the child to play their position a certain way, and dad is on the sideline telling the child to play it a different way. Who do you think the child is going to listen to, me or their father? That's right, dad wins. So all of the time in practice and the work on developing a certain skill are wasted. You're their parent, so when you question the coaches decisions or abilities in front of your child, it weakens the coaches ability to coach. The parents behavior sets the tone for how the child will react.

You also shouldn't argue with or yell insults at the umpire or referee. If it was a bad call, the coach is the one to question the call. I have never seen an umpire reverse a call because of a parent. I have, however, seen the calls become more one sided because theparents made the umpire angry. In the end, not only do you set a bad example for your children, you hurt their ability to compete in that game. I also have noticed that children who get heavily penalized in games have parents who spend a lot of time yelling at the referee. Where do you think the kids learn their behavior? By watching their parent's behavior.

The bottom line is, as a parent your main responsibility is to model good sportsmanship to your children. Encourage them to keep trying. Support their coach, even if you don't understand the strategy. There are no scouts in the stands waiting to offer you child a million dollar contract. Their play on the field will not help you recapture your youth. At the end of the day, it's a game, and it's supposed to be fun. Let them play. Let them have fun. Let them be kids.