Russian Adoptions, Ten Years Later: Blessing or Nightmare?

In the fall of 1997, my three year old daughter, my soon husband-to-be and I headed to the former Soviet Union to pick up my two new sons. It was a great adventure. I had spent most of my time following a short-lived marriage preparing for this time. I was thirty-four when I had my daughter. Just about old enough for me. I had a successful career. I was ready to have something more in my life. Adoption procedures were set in motion in July of 1996. For a long time, I had known that if I ever grew up I would have more than one child. Pregnancy for me was highly overrated so I knew if my family were to increase it would be through adoption. I met my future husband in September of 1996 and as time progressed, the relationship became serous. My plans for adoption were revealed early on and he whole heartedly supported me. I figured if we could spend a month in a foreign land jumping through hoops to adopt the two boys that would be a good indicator for a long term relationship and marriage. Since the paperwork was all started when I was still single, the adoptions were completed by me as a single parent.

After we returned to the States, there was, of course the initial adjustment period. Alex was three years old and Jack had just turned two. Bathtubs for instance, were killer monsters. I remember one night I put them both in the bathtub and they started screaming. I added bubbles and the screaming escalated. Then I threw in rubber duckies and they knew it was all over! Items like apples, eaten cores and all, were devoured as was any part of the chicken, including the bones. Trips to the grocery store were chaotic when all three were together. While loading one in the cart, the other two would take off and want to be picked up by whatever adult they saw first. My daughter picked this up quickly and loved this activity since she instinctively knew it irritated me. They never knew a stranger then or had reactive attachment disorder if you are into labels. They got over it.

I had them tested for various learning problems about six months after the adoption. Both of them were rated with only have a sixty per cent chance in a normal school environment because among other things, they couldn't bounce a ball. I appropriately filed the information. Parents have to remember just because someone has a PH.D behind their name doesn't mean they actually know anything. Sometimes people can have too much education. English came quickly and so did ball bouncing.

Preschool progressed with a few incidents. Alex destroyed a Nativity scene the day after a school play. Jack ate a good many bugs. This was a habit left over from the orphanage picked up for reasons somewhere between boredom and survival. I never did figure out the Nativity scene deal. Maybe he was tired and frustrated from his night before. Alex doesn't function well without a good night's sleep. Neither do I.

Grade school brought new escapades. Alex and another little boy were caught kissing a little girl on the playground. The two boys had to clean the classroom for that indiscretion. Jack had an imaginary friend named Bounce. Bounce has since just made it out of third grade, makes tacos and moved to Mexico I think Alex and his sister helped Bounce pack.

Adolescence finds Alex a very much a hands-on type of child. He likes to see how things work. Computers and rockets are two great loves. So is baseball. He is very interested in government after a workshop at the State Capital. Jack writes books and plays all the time. He loves to read. He loves Shakespeare and opera. Both are at appropriate grade level or higher in school.

All three children have had the normal sibling rivalry and on any given day would tell you they would happily sell their siblings for twenty-five cents or less and would make it a two-for-one deal, if possible. But when they are separated, such as when one is a grandpa's and grandma's house, talk of the missing child usually starts within a half hour or less.

So what have I learned about Russian adoptions ten years later? I believe, by and large, they are successful. People can zero in on particular incidents, find fault and blame a behavior on adoption. Kids will be kids. I don't think anyone in my bunch is going to be elevated to sainthood anytime soon, but they will be a success in whatever path in life they choose. By the way, Alex still eats bugs, but they are made of candy now.