Safety Tips for Children Who Dash Away from Parents in Public

If a child feels so safe and secure in his or her limited knowledge that mommy and/or daddy will take care of them no matter what happens and no matter where they roam, they may take off without so much as a backward glance. These children are as likely to slip off quietly as they are to take off at a full run and it is important to let these escapees know that the world away from their parents and other family is not as safe as they think. There are dangers in the world and young children need to know this. They also need to understand that adults can't see through walls nor through a crowded room, nor are we are able to pass through walls,leap buildings in a single bound or make any other superhuman effort to keep our offspring safe.(Although there are plenty of occasions when we wish we could, isn't there?)

First recommendation, of course, is to explain all this as calmly, clearly and simply as possible to your child. Let them know that running off can get them lost, hurt or worse. You then immediately reassure them that staying close to mommy and/or daddy or other responsible adult that they know is the safest place to be. Staying close, where the child and parent can see each other, is best. Be prepared to give this speech more than once.

If other basic talks have not gotten the message across over time, a more drastic approach may be needed. It may be necessary in some instances to share a few simplified versions of the 'horror stories' that abound on the news about other missing children. While we want to avoid creating paranoid individuals, some children may truly benefit from having a small scare put into them, since this tactic may be the only way to get through to certain young minds. Some children simply don't understand what the word danger means as they slip out of your grip and take off through a crowded store or busy intersection. It is our job as parents to explain the possible dangers they may face once they're out of our sight and reach.

The best time to have this talk is before you ever enter a public place. Find a quiet area at home or perhaps in the car and explain that the child is to stay close to you. Along with talking, using physical gestures can help reinforce what's being said. Show them exactly what 'close-by' means by holding hands as you talk to them. Show them how to grip your hand, maybe even making a game of it to see how hard they can squeeze. This simple hand-squeezing exercise can help young brains better remember the verbal warnings that go with it. Their young minds will connect hands gripping with your 'be safe' talk. Holding hands can also help re-emphasize how close, 'close-by' really means. And the 'how hard can you squeeze' game can be played while in public. If the child is engaged in a fun activity, they might not become so distracted by something else that causes them to run off and explore. This game and its rules may also need to be repeated many times.

Another incentive to keep your little runaway closer is to offer a reward for good behavior. Promise of a small toy or treat or perhaps extra playtime later can work wonders with some children. The old methods are often still the best and the 'carrot-on-a-stick' method is old, tried and true. Just keep it to something small yet also significant to your child.

If, after all this effort, your child still dashes away from you, let there be consequences. No matter how important your meeting or shopping trip, once you have your little escapee in your grip again, leave the area and return to your car immediately. Or if you're close enough, walk straight home. In any event, find a quiet place as soon as possible and then let your child know that their behavior is unacceptable and why. It is perfectly alright to allow your tone of voice to rise a bit and let the child know that you're angry. They need to sense your urgency in the matter in order to assimilate that urgency for themselves. Do your best to stay calm at the same time, of course. Easier said than done, but it can be managed.

Along with the lecture, certain privileges may have to be revoked for repeat offenders. In today's age, this can mean removing video game time or not allowing them to watch a favorite show on television. Maybe their favorite toy or snack will not be given to them for a set numbers of days. Find something that will make an impact on your particular child. This can be used in conjunction with the reward system. Use whichever method or combination of methods you feel will work best with your child.

When all else fails, a harness can literally be a life-saver. My youngest child is autistic and verbal explanations simply could not penetrate his social fog and other communication issues when he was small. Holding hands with him when I also had three other children to keep track of simply wasn't practical, either, especially with the way he could twist out of my grip(like so many 'dashers' are capable of.) The harness kept him nearby and helped me keep my sanity. It even helped keep the other children closer because the older ones would ask to take turns 'walking' the baby. After explaining that their brother was neither a puppy nor a toy, each eventually would be allowed a turn holding onto their brother - especially at the check-out while mommy wrestled with her purse and coupons, etc.

When using a harness, do not be concerned about negative glances or remarks. You are doing what is necessary to keep your child safe. Period. Strangers, especially those without children or who are lucky enough to have 'perfect' children have no idea what the rest of us go through with ours. I've actually received more than one compliment or other supportive statement from passersby, in fact. The stigma that used to exist about tethering a child is not as prevalent as it used to be. Most people are now glad to see a parent taking responsibility for their child as opposed to watching someone allow their little one to 'run amok'.

The bottom line is, talk to them first and be aware that those talks are going to bear repeating. Emphasize both the dangers they face and what they can do to stay safe. Use rewards and/or consequences as are appropriate or that will otherwise work with your particular progeny because childrearing is not an exact science. It's hit or miss, so experiment with various approaches and techniques until you find what works. For the ones who run off no matter how many talks, rewards and/or consequences you mete out, a more physical solution may be necessary. Investing in a harness could even save your dasher's life.