Salahi Party Crashers Denounce Party Crashing

Today show host, Matt Lauer, spoke with the alleged Party Crashers Tuesday morning and asked them about the accusations and if they would like to profess their innocence or apologize. With their chain-smoking lawyer, Ed Spade, at their side, Tareq and Michaele Salahi confidently proclaimed "We have never even been to the White House!"

When told of the hundreds of witnesses, thousands of photographs, countless radio and print stories, and seemingly endless video proof of their visit, Tareq replied "You can't always believe what you see, hear, read about, and then see again." After a slight pause, he concluded "Fine. But, we didn't crash the party."

Pointing his lighter for emphasis, Spade quickly interceded, "Look, I have known these two since Thursday and this is not something that they would do."

"What about you Michaele," Lauer asked, "Were you actually invited?"

"Not every 'invitation' has to be this 'beautiful silver ink on sturdy card stock', Michaele said. 'Invitation' could mean taking off your heels and sprinting past a checkpoint or one person getting on another's shoulders while wearing an extra-long trench coat. The Marx Brothers did that stuff all the time and they never got blasted on the internet!"

"But without formal invitations, all of this is considered Trespassing", Lauer replied. "Please. Trespassing!" Spade interrupted. "Since when is that a crime?"

The Salahi's continued on with the segment refusing to accept any responsibility for the night in question. They blamed, in order, the Secret Service, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs, the Pentagon, Michele Obama, CNN, Matt Lauer, facebook, and Kelly Ripa.

Lauer then brought up the issue raised by Muriel Cooper, a spokeswoman for the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation. She stated that in September the Salahis were escorted out of a foundation dinner when the couple was sitting at a table, without invitations. "Yes, we do remember that", Tareq said. "We actually did have legitimate tickets, but to a Redskins game four days later. We just got the dates, function, and locations confused. It happens to everyone."

The host concluded matters by thanking them for their time and for telling their side of the story.

With microphones still on, their lawyer, takes a long drag from his cigarette, blows out a cloud of smoke and whispers to his clients, "We just need one kid to go up in a balloon or fall down in a well and people will forget all about this."