Sales Tank for New Rumsfeld Condom

International sales for Donald Rumsfeld's new signature condom have stagnated a mere three weeks after the product's release, causing Trojan to drop the former Secretary of Defense as a spokesman.

The new line of condom, known as the "Ribbed Rummy," prominently features a convincing replica of Rumsfeld's head at the tip of the condom. When the condom is pulled over the erect penis, the wearer can manipulate the facial expressions of the former Bush administration member by tugging on the latex. The expressions range from a irritated look of consternation to a meek "don't blame me" visage.

Rumsfeld himself appeared in the advertising campaign to promote the new condom, which was marketed as "the ultimate novelty contraceptive." Rumsfeld, who recently resigned his position as Secretary of Defense due to criticism of his performance in handling the Iraq War, was asked by the condom manufacturer to be involved in a new release of contemporary novelty condoms. Although Trojan projected its sales among college students to be strong, the Ribbed Rummy has failed to live up to even a fraction of its profit expecations.

"Honestly, who's surprised?" said Larry Feldman, marketing associate for Trojan Brand Condoms. "What girl is going to want that dude's head sneaking around inside them? I think it'd be worse than actually going to bed with him."

Rumsfeld, 74, has been unable to be reached for comment. With Trojan's withdrawal of support for the condom, so too has it discontinued development of condoms featuring the countenances of George W. Bush, Saddam Hussein, and Colin Powell.