Sam the Bot

He had tried to save some money, and bought the cheaper version of the robot. He had made a mistake.

He knew this as soon as the robot was out of the box. Putting it on the table, the left arm had fallen off. He had replaced it, which was simple enough. The bolt that held it in place was sitting in the box. Also, the voice chip didn't work, it just made a very loud static, which hurt his ears.

The robot definitely needed some work before it would be useful. He plugged it into the wall, to charge the battery, and went to work. He asked around the office, to see if anyone had the model he had bought, and got a number of nos. It seemed the majority of people had been smart and bought the more expensive model. Great, he thought.

His name was Tom, and he was in advertising. He built up company reputations in the press, through series of commercials and "leaks" to the press. He was considered good in the field, even had a few awards. Once, he'd been invited to a talk show, which he did. It was a lackluster experience, and he had been overly nervous the entire time.

After work, he stopped by his parents, and found they were out of town. They could've called, he thought. He asked his sister if she would like to come stay with him, and see his new toy. She declined, and he left, after getting her to agree to come over the next night for dinner.

When he got home, the robot showed a full charge. He unplugged it from the wall and turned it on, getting a loud burst of static. He quickly disconnected the voice circuit, tired of listening to the garble, and looked for the manual. He looked for a phone number to call, and found one at the back of the manual. Walking over to the phone, he called and asked for their support department.

The man he spoke with sounded bored. He told Tom there was a repair shop close to his home that he could take the robot to. The company would pay to have the voice circuit repaired. So Tom boxed his new toy up and drove to the shop.

The owner looked over the robot, and told him it would only take a few minutes. Sometimes these chips get connected wrong at the factory, he said. He took the robot apart, and found a loose wire to the speaker. After replacing the wire, he turned the robot on, and the voice was fine. The owner got the robot to say a few words, and then gave him back. Tom mentioned the company was going to pay for the repair, and the owner said that was fine. He'd send them the bill. Tom thanked the man, looked around the shop at some of the used robots, and then returned home.

He got his manual again, and tried to find information on how to get new software for the robot. A small paragraph in the back had a web page to contact, so he got on his computer and found the page. It had a number of different programs he could download to upgrade the robot, and a number of pages of other software. He started bouncing around to the different sites, searching for the best software to download.

It was on a small page, by an individual programmer, that he found it. Tucked back near the end of the page was an AI program written for his model. He looked over the description, and was intrigued. It was based on a program written almost 20 years ago, that started a new wave of thinking robots. This revolutionary program was the best of its time, granting almost human intelligence to robots of the day. This new version was based closely on it, but improved over the years. The program was free for 30 days, to try. He started the download, and went back to reading the manual.

The robots brain was a small computer that he could plug into his network. That was one of the features he had searched for when finding the robot to buy. The computer in the robot was actually faster than his desktop. It was built for the home user, and the software sites he had visited had been numerous. There had been everything from programs to teach the robot how to play card games, to one that could program the robot to vacuum the house. That was another he should download. Ever since he had broken up with his girlfriend, he had to do the house chores.

Tom's computer beeped, letting him know the download was complete. He put the program on disk, and then inserted it into the computer. After copying the program over, he started it on the robot. At first, the robot just sat there, and Tom just shrugged and went to delete the program. Then, it turned to face him, stuck out its hand, and said, "Hello, I am Sam, pleased to meet you."

Tom smiled, and shook the robots hand, seemed like a pretty simple recognition program, he thought. The robot looked around the room, then said "Hmm, haven't been here before."

Tom's smile tightened, that was a strange thing to say, he thought. The robot turned back to him, "my programming builds on each version prior to the current one. Intelligence wise, I'm close to your average human, just to let you know a little about me. However, I gain intelligence as the program runs, so someday maybe I'll surpass you."

Definitely strange. The robot stood, all four feet of it, walked to the edge of the table, and jumped down. It started around his house, going into all of the rooms, humming off-key to itself. After exploring the house, it came back over to Tom. "Well, what do you feel like doing? I'm capable of any number of household chores, as well as learning others. I have extensive knowledge of any number of games, and even can recite the works of a number of famous poets. Have you a name?"

"Umm, Tom," he said. "I suppose, just make yourself at home." I'm having a conversation with a robot, he thought. He was going to be a laughing stock at work.

Sam walked, or actually rolled, over to Tom's computer and sat at the chair. "Older version, hmmm? We need to fix that. Maybe I can download a version of my software to your computer, so I have someone to talk to while you are at work. May I do this?"

"Sure," said Tom. He walked over to the table and picked up the diskette. "Just install off this, the computer is an older model, but it should be able to handle the program.

"Ok." Sam took the disk, inserted it, and his hands began whirling across the keyboard. "I'm just going to change a few parameters, set up some new things I've learned, and viola."

The computer just sat there, with a blinking cursor, then across the screen ran the words "Hello, I'm Gloria."

"Gloria?" Tom looked at his new robot in surprise.

"I enjoy the women," said Sam, with a quick laugh.

"I see. Listen, do you know how to cook?"

Sam glanced away from the computer screen, "I'm programmed in ten different culinary techniques, including Japanese, Chinese, and Italian. I have almost 10,000 recipes with room for more."

"I'd say so. My sister is coming over for dinner tomorrow, do you suppose you could make some lasagna for dinner?"

Sam nodded his head, "of course. Why don't I make up a menu, and then can give you an ingredients list so you can buy it at the store. Give me a few minutes, so I can see what you already have in the kitchen."

Tom moved out of the way, as the robot spun off toward the kitchen, once again humming. He heard him going threw the pantry, and decided to sit at the computer. The words hadn't changed, so he typed in "Hello, I'm Tom."

There was a slight pause, as his computer was slower than the robot, and then "Nice to meet you. This is strange, I can't see or hear."

"Let me fix that." Tom went to the back of his computer and hooked in the camera and microphone. Then, he loaded up the parameters, and fed them into the computer.

"Ah, that is better," said Gloria. "I hate sitting around in the dark, it has a tendency to scare me."

About then a loud crash came from the kitchen. "What was that," shouted Tom.

"Sorry," cried out Sam's voice, "I'll clean it up. Just knocked something over."

Tom shook his head, and looked back at the screen.

"Who was that," came a feminine voice over the speaker.

"Oh, that's Sam, he is my new robot. He has a version of your software installed in him. He's getting things ready to cook dinner tomorrow."

"I see. Is he cute?"

"Um, I guess so. He's a fairly new model, so he's pretty sleek."

"Good," said Gloria, "it will give me someone to talk with."

Sam came back into the room, and over to the computer. "I see you've hooked up the camera and microphone, good. It'll make it easier for us to talk. Hello Gloria, I'm Sam."

"Hi Sam, nice to meet you."

"Here is the list," said Sam, handing over a piece of paper with careful writing on it. "I can make do with most of what you have, but I need these eight things for the meal tomorrow. Also, you might buy some wine, a good, dark red will go great with the menu."

Tom took the list and nodded, still not believing the conversation. He walked to the door, grabbed his coat, and looked back. Sam had taken the microphone, and was jabbering into it, while a wicked giggle was coming from the computer speaker. Shaking his head, he walked out the door.

At the store, he brought out the list, and started picking up the ingredients. Finally, he walked over to the wine counter, and picked out a dark red, to wash down the lasagna.

He walked back along the sidewalk to his home, humming softly to himself. Upon arriving home, he opened the door and found pandemonium. Sam was dancing across his furniture, with lamps crashed across the room, while loud music played from the computer speakers.

"What are you doing?"

"Dancing, why don't you join me?"

"I'm not going to join you. Shut off that awful music and clean this place up. It looks like a tornado ran through here.

Sam walked to the computer on the desk and spoke quietly into the microphone. The music stopped, and he began going around the room, picking up crashed lamps and the like. Tom went into his bedroom, and laid down crosswise on the bed. Within a few minutes, he was asleep and dreaming of tomorrow's dinner.

In the morning he woke up with a stiff back, standing up with pain up and down his spine. He went into the front room and it was spotless, all signs of the fiasco from the night before gone. Sam was in the corner, plugged into the wall with his eyes closed, and the computer monitor glared softly. Tom spoke into the microphone, "good morning."

"Good morning Tom, how was your rest?"

"Not bad, just a little stiff this morning. Listen, today I'm going to order you a body to stay in from now one. It should arrive at the end of the week."

"Thank you, it will be nice to be maneuverable. Why not do it now?"

Tom went to the same page he had bought Sam from, and placed the order. A small price to pay, hopefully an enjoyable experience. The shipping page said two days, but he knew those were always the minimum. A soft purr came from the computer speakers, and he stood up to take his morning shower. Maybe that will keep them out of trouble, he thought, grabbing a towel from the clean clothes and entering the bathroom.

A few days later the box came with the robot body, nice, shiny, and ready to go. Sam was fascinated as he saw the software transfer over the cable. After a few minutes, the eyes opened and a small voice said "hello?"

"It worked," cried Sam, and gave his lady friend her first hug. The two clung together for awhile, then Sam turned to Tom. "Well, I guess this is it. We need our own space now that we are a real couple. I've loved living with you, and look forward to visiting often. Take care, and we'll keep in touch."

"You're leaving? I suppose that's fine, but isn't it rather short notice?"

"Don't like long goodbyes. Come along dear, we need to find a place to stay."

Tom watched as the door closed behind the two robots, shaking his head. Ah well, he thought, grabbing the television remote and sitting on the couch. At least I have dinner to look forward to tonight.