Same - Sex Marriages: The Battle for Equality

The institute of marriage can have different meanings to different people and has evolved over time. According to Merriam-Webster one definition of marriage is "the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contracted relationship recognized by law". A second definition goes on to state that marriage is the state of uniting to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage. Merriam-Webster's final definition of marriage is an intimate or close union. A heterosexual couple who wants to get married must comply with a few basic requirements.

Couples must first apply for a marriage license. To obtain a marriage license, applicants must meet various age requirements, pay a fee, and participate in a waiting period before the ceremony. Some states also require various medical tests. The age requirement can often times be waived with the consent of the minors parent or legal guardian (www.usmarriagelaws.com). The basic requirements for marriage do not apply to same-sex couples. In November 2004, 11 states voted on the issue of legalizing same-sex marriages. According to the election results, most people believed that the union of marriage should be reserved solely for heterosexual couples (Kurdek, 2005). Since around 2003 some people have been working towards a constitutional amendment that would state that marriage was only between a man and a woman. Some polls have indicated that half to slightly more than have of the public would support an amendment like this (Brewer and Wilcox, 2005). By the beginning of 2006 same-sex couples were given some recognition in most European countries. They were granted full marriage rights in the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, and Canada.

In the United States, same-sex couples were only legally allowed to marry in Massachusetts. In six other states there was legislation put in place to grant limited legal protections and benefits to same-sex couples. These states are Vermont, Connecticut, California, New Jersey, Maine, and Hawaii. Some states and employers offered limited benefits, such as access to health care, for same-sex partners of their employees (Herek, 2006). For most of Western history, marriage was used as an institution for gaining power, wealth, and property rights. It was not until the 19th century that marriage became defined as an institution based mostly on love (Herek, 2006). By the middle of the 20th century, marriage had become to be an institution that centered on emotional intimacy and very clear gender roles. During the feminist movement in the 1960's, women started to enter the work force as more than homemakers. This brought challenges to gender roles and effected the institute and core beliefs of marriage (Herek). Couples of today choose to marry for many of the same reasons as in the past. Some people choose to marry for reasons like love, religion, and their personal values. Others choose to marry for reasons of convenience such as status and money.

Some people may choose to marry for legal reasons that may pertain to health or family issues. Couples in same-sex marriages may desire to get married for many of the same reasons as heterosexual couples. They may desire to form the same intimate and close union as heterosexual couples. Regardless of their desire to marry, most same-sex couples are not afforded the same benefits of marriage as heterosexual couples. There are many arguments against same-sex marriage. One of the biggest arguments is based on various religious views. Many people feel that there God intended for a union between a man and a woman only. Some people feel that one of the important issues is based on reproduction. Same-sex couples cannot naturally reproduce so people feel that this is morally wrong and not what was intended for the world. Parenting ability has become another issue against same-sex marriages. Many people feel that having same-sex parents can cause a great deal of confusion and embarrassment for their children.

Some feel that children may face confusion in their own sexual identity as well as in gender roles. People who are against same-sex marriages believe that gender roles can cause confusion when it comes to parenting. Many people feel that it is important for children to have the gender balance of a father and a mother and that this balance cannot be achieved in a same-sex union. For example, gay fathers are not given the same legal protection and support as heterosexual fathers, but are given the same responsibilities (Armesto, 2002). Another argument against same-sex marriages is the belief held by many people that same-sex marriages only lead to the deterioration of the value of marriage. Some people may feel that divorce rates may be higher among same-sex couples which will only increase the issues that are faced in any marriage. Stereotypes tend to play a large role in the argument against same-sex marriage. Many people believe that all gay people tend to make poor lifestyle choices that lead to promiscuity and higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases. Some people also believe that there are higher rates of drug abuse and domestic violence among same-sex couples. On the other side of the debate, same-sex couples believe they should have the same legal rights and abilities as heterosexual couples.

They also argue that their sexuality as no bearing on their life decisions or parenting ability than it does for heterosexual individuals. Same-sex couples also argue that they are able to have children through other methods, such as adoption and should have the right to have children. Same-sex couples could argue that the institute of marriage is deteriorating greatly even among heterosexual couples and that sexual preference is not a factor. In 1996 the National Center for Heath Statistics conducted a report which stated that about 50% of first marriages for men under the age of 45 ends in divorce. For women of the same demographics the rate of divorce is from 44-52%. (Kreider and Fields, 2002). Judging by the divorce rate it is apparent that many couples face problems during their marriage.

They may decide to seek counseling to help work through the issues. Many couples, regardless of sexual orientation, face problems related to issues such as parenting styles, infidelity, finances, and employment. Same-sex couples tend to have the same obstacles and problems as heterosexual couples. They also have many other problems that are only present in same-sex relationships. These differences can be complicated for many counselors. It is important to be open-minded and understanding, but it may not always be easy. The American Counseling Association has established guidelines within the Code of Ethics that cover the item of discrimination. Section C.5. Discrimination, states that counselors do not condone or engage in discrimination based on factors such as age, race, sexual preference, gender, marital status, religion, or language preference (ACA, 2005). For same-sex couples it may be common to seek counseling for parenting issues, substance abuse, domestic violence, employment problems, and gender roles conflicts.

These individuals may be experience a great deal of resistance and rejection from friends, family, and society which can intensify these issues. It is possible for an individual in a same-sex marriage to come into the relationship with children. It is also possible that the couple wishes to have children together. Due to the fact that reproduction is not naturally possible between members of the same sex, they may be forced to find less desirable alternatives. There may also be a chance that one partner wants children and the other does not. Any of these issues can cause a strain and place stress on the relationship. Same-sex couples who decide that adoption is the best option for them can face opposition. Currently there are some states that completely ban same-sex adoptions. This is the case in Florida, Mississippi, and Utah. Other states like Nebraska, Missouri, and Arkansas have policies limiting same-sex couples adopting or becoming foster parents (Paulson, 2006). In 2005, seven states introduced bills that would prevent gays and lesbians from adopting. Some of these states of indicated that there was a desire to introduce a constitutional amendment banning these adoptions in the future(Paulson).

Though many people feel that same-sex couples do not qualify as "fit" parents, there are others who feel that children deserve a home regardless of the sexual preferences of the parents. Same-sex couples who do have children may argue on parenting styles and gender roles. For example, one would be a mother figure and the other would be a father figure. It may be a conflict when times to determining who plays in each role. Some couples may feel that there are no particular roles, but may disagree on various parenting skills. For example, one parent may be strong on discipline where the other parent may be more reserved. Employment issues may also put a strain on same-sex relationships. One area that often presents a problem focuses on disclosure of sexual preference in the workplace. Some individuals may work for a company where homosexuality is not widely accepted. They may fear repercussions if their sexual preference is disclosed. If an individual is in a same-sex marriage they may be up against a great deal of disapproval in the workplace. This could affect areas like pay, promotions, and job expectations. Many are also afraid to discuss personal issues with coworkers because they fear retaliation or rejection from coworkers (Griffith and Hebl, 2002).

Domestic violence occurs frequently in same-sax couples, but is rarely discussed or studied. One early study estimated that around 47% of gays and lesbians have been a victim of domestic violence (Burke and Owen, 2006). In 2003, the National Criminal Victimization Survey pointed to a large rate of domestic violence among same-sex couples than heterosexual couples (Burke and Owen). Issues such as disclosure of sexual preference and sexually transmitted diseases can lead to arguments which could lead to violence. A counselor who is helping a same-sex couple should realize that there are differences from counseling heterosexual couples. One difference is that it may be harder to distinguish the victim from the abuser (Burke and Owen). In heterosexual couples it is often assumed that size places a factor in this determination. For same-sex couples this is not always the case. For example, two gay men may appear to be of equal size and strength but one may still be a victim to the other. It is apparent that same-sex couples face many obstacles and challenges. Many are similar to those of heterosexual couples. It is important for a counselor who is working with a same-sex couple to recognize the similarities and differences between heterosexual and homosexual couples.

Though there are some issues that are only relevant to same-sex couples, it is important for the counselor to not stereotype these couples. It is critical that the counselor is sensitive to their needs and it able to be comfortable with working with this population. As for the future of same-sex marriages, it is uncertain if it will ever be legal for everyone. There is a constant legal battle of arguments for and against it. Many states are still fighting to make constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriages. In the recent elections of 2006 many states voted the issue of same-sex marriages. Colorado voted on partner benefits which would give same-sex couples the legal rights of marriage. 53% of voters said no. Colorado also voted on the whether marriage be a union only between a man and a woman. 56% of voters said yes to this. Arizona also voted on defining marriage as a union only between a man and a woman (Boston Globe, 2006). In a close race, 51% of voters said that marriage is not only a union between a man and a woman.

In Tennessee there was a large majority in favor of marriage being defined as a union only between a man and a woman at 81%. In Virginia the race was much closer with 57% saying yes and 43% saying no to defining marriage as a union only between men and women (www.boston.com). Currently, Massachusetts remains to be the only state where same-sex marriage is legal, but is still up against criticism. Some government officials are debating as to if a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages should be on the ballot in 2008 (Abel, 2006). If appears that there will be a constant, growing need for well qualified counselors to help same-sex couples to deal with the many obstacles that they face. There seems to be constant change of opinions on the issue of same-sex marriages and it is difficult to say if the issue will ever be resolved. This learner has gained a great deal of knowledge on the topic of same-sex marriages and relationships in general. Some problems seemed very obvious to this learner, but taking a deeper look at the situation revealed even more issues. Before completing this assignment, this learner was fairly neutral on the topic of same-sex marriages. This learner now takes a firmer stand on the side in favor of same-sex marriages. In the future this learner hopes to attend events in the LGBT community and to also talk more with friends and family members who belong to this community.

References

Abel, David (Nov 2006). Travaglini to urge a vote on same-sex marriage amendment. The Boston Globe. Retrieved November 19, 2006 at http://www.boston.com/news/specials/gay_marriage/articles/2006/11/07/travaglini_to_urge_a_vote_on_same_sex_marriage_amendment/ Armesto, J.C. (2002). Developmental and contextual factors that influence gay fathers' Parental competence: A review of the literature. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 15249220, July 1, 2002, Vol. 3, Issue 2. Retrieved September 30, 2006 from PsycArticles Database at http://web.ebscohost.com.library.capella.edu/ehost/detail?vid=18&hid=112&sid=77c047c5-e7df-40b8-afb3-66f55b1b14e9%40sessionmgr104 Burke, Tod W. and Owen, Stephen S. (Jan/Feb 2006). Same-sex domestic violence: Is anyone listening? Gay & Lesbian Review Worldwide, Vol. 13 Issue 1, p6-7, 2p. Retrieved November 19, 2006 from Academic Search Premier Database at http://web.ebscohost.com.library.capella.edu/ehost/detail?vid=93&hid=5&sid=836bd17a-5c17-4ae8-a992-96f7429c87e7%40SRCSM2 Brewer, P.R.,Wilcox, C. (2005). The polls-trends: Same-sex marriage and civil Unions. Public Opinion Quarterly, Vol 69(4), Win 2005. pp. 599-616. Retrieved November 5, 2006 from Ebscohost Database at http://web.ebscohost.com.library.capella.edu/ehost/results?vid=50&hid=18&sid=a97debb7-bec7-4ceb-ac35-56cc71adcb11%40SRCSM Campaign 2006: The Massachusetts Election. Ballot questions across the U.S. The Boston Globe. Retrieved November 19, 2006 at http://www.boston.com/news/special/politics/2006_elections/general_results/us_questions_all_states.html Griffith, K.H., Hebl, M.R. (2002). The disclosure dilemma for gay men and lesbians: 'Coming Out' at work. Journal of Applied Psychology, 00219010, December 1, 2002, Vol. 87, Issue 6. Retrieved September 30, 2006 from PsycArticles Database at http://web.ebscohost.com.library.capella.edu/ehost/detail?vid=37&hid=20&sid=30a83a4c-844f-4aec-8b30-ff44236d8ccc%40sessionmgr3 Herek, G.M. (2006). Legal recognition of same-sex relationships in the United States: A social science perspective. American Psychologist, 0003066X, September 1, 2006. Vol. 61, Issue 6. Retrieved September 30, 2006 from PsycArticles Database at http://web.ebscohost.com.library.capella.edu/ehost/detail?vid=31&hid=20&sid=30a83a4c-844f-4aec-8b30-ff44236d8ccc%40sessionmgr3 Kreider, Rose M, Fields, Jason M. (February 2002). Number, timing, and duration of marriages and divorces: 1996. Retrieved November 17, 2006 at http://www.census.gov/prod/2002pubs/p70-80.pdf Kurdek, Lawrence A. (October 2005). What do we know about gay and lesbian couples? Current Directions in Psychological Science; Oct2005, Vol. 14 Issue 5, p251-254, 4p. Retrieved November 16, 2006 from Academic Search Premier Database at http://web.ebscohost.com.library.capella.edu/ehost/detail?vid=54&hid=109&sid=ea67f3b2-a0e9-4835-b1ee-82080ad38a3c%40sessionmgr103 Merriam Webster Online. Definition of marriage. Retrieved November 17, 2006 at http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=marriage Paulson, A. (March 2006). Several states weigh ban on gay adoptions. Christian Science Monitor; 3/15/2006, Vol. 98 Issue 75, p2-2, 2/3p, 1c. Retrieved November 19, 2006 from Academic Search Premier Database at http://web.ebscohost.com.library.capella.edu/ehost/detail?vid=8&hid=5&sid=836bd17a-5c17-4ae8-a992-96f7429c87e7%40SRCSM2 The American Counseling Association (2005) Code of Ethics. Retrieved November 17, 2006 at http://www.counseling.org/Resources/CodeOfEthics/TP/Home/CT2.aspx US Marriage Laws. Retrieved November 17, 2006 at http://www.usmarriagelaws.com/