Sample Study Abroad Scholarship Personal Statement

My Fairly Well Written Personal Statement Broken Down

Kev07
This personal statement was submitted to the Benjamin A. Gilman International Scholarship. The Gilman scholarship rewards up to $5000 to students studying abroad.

Growing up as a child, I was instructed simply to, "Go to school, get good grades and do not worry about money because it will come with your education." As a result, I had always taken my education for granted under the impression that I would have financial support from my parents. Unfortunately, my parents were struck with financial issues, and to ease the hardships, I pushed myself to become independent. I created my resume and submitted it to various companies, which lead to my first employment in a small business. With the opportunity to work as a solo appointment generator, I not only learned to appreciate the value of a dollar, but also had the opportunity to build my business skills in advertisement, marketing and customer service. As a part of a small (5 man) business, I had the opportunity to work closely with a skilled entrepreneur who mentored me in lifelong skills such as talking to customers, how to follow up on a lead, and how to not only market his product, but also the importance of marketing myself. Thanks to this experience, I decided to pursue a business degree at UC Riverside and I am excited about upcoming opportunities such as studying at the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology.

Looking back at my intro paragraph, I remember trying to capture the reader's attention. The actual effect was a very cluttered intro paragraph. I should have picked a theme for why I wanted to study abroad in this personal statement and stuck to it.

As a sophomore at UC Riverside, I know that in addition to a high GPA, I must also differentiate myself with activities that pertain to my major. I have been a member of the UCR Honors Program where I was challenged academically, philanthropically and personally. Through the Honors Program, I was also first exposed to the idea of studying abroad and I knew immediately that this was an experience that I wanted to pursue. After researching about the EAP program, I found out about the Benjamin A. Gilman scholarship and I am excited to have the opportunity to apply for this scholarship. Aside from the scholarship itself, while applying for the Gilman Scholarship, I had the chance to think deeply about what I could gain from a semester studying abroad.

Listed some accomplishments and also explained WHY I want to study abroad. The accomplishments is just fluff, but your motive is a big factor to the judges reading your personal statement.

With the opportunity to travel and study abroad, I immediately knew that I wanted to attend a school that will bring me closer to my heritage. After some contemplation, I also realized how much of an impact that choosing a business-oriented country could sharpen my career goals. Coincidentally, Hong Kong happens to be one of the most capitalistic and fast-paced countries in the world. Although HKUST is primarily an English speaking school, I still hope to expand the fluency of my Cantonese in addition to culturing myself by interacting with people throughout Hong Kong. The human mind is easily influenced by its surroundings and having never been outside of the United States, I want to expand my paradigms outside of just those of the American culture. I also look forward to sampling the food of Hong Kong with its amazing reviews to fully immerse myself in the Hong Kong culture.

This one explains why I chose to study abroad in Hong Kong. I could have probably integrated it into the paragraph above it.

In addition to the cultural awareness, I also want to make myself more marketable by expanding my academics, work experience, and perspectives regarding business. To be able to experience Hong Kong to its fullest extent, I have been planning my college career carefully. To prevent myself from falling behind in credits, I have been taking on full schedules every quarter so that I will have no problem fitting a semester at HKUST into my college plan. Having worked with my academic advisor on a challenging schedule of classes in Hong Kong, I know that all of the business classes that I am taking at HKUST will be transferable as units towards my business administration degree. Aside from academics, my top goal in Hong Kong is to find an internship in finance or management so that I can gain new perspectives and strategies in the field of business. An internship will be an unparalleled experience to apply and expand what I have learned at UCR and what I will be learning at HKUST in a business environment. Knowing people will also be helpful in the future, so I will definitely be networking and making friends with peers in my classes and by joining a club or organization.

Describe what you want out of studying abroad, clearly and to the point in a scholarship personal statement.

Studying abroad in Hong Kong will not only further develop me as a worldly person in terms of culture and perspectives, but I will also be more competitively marketable with overseas internship and academic experience. Despite my parents' worries about costs and dangers of being in a foreign country, I was able to help them look past the small risks associated with an experience that will make me a well-rounded and competitive individual. Although my parents have offered to help me financially this fall, I have a personal goal to not place financial burden my parents and stay independent. Instead, I am saving the earnings from my on-campus job and since I am partial to living and spending on credit, I thank the Institute of International Education for the opportunity to win the Gilman Scholarship. As a future businessman, financing myself while studying abroad, connecting with my culture, building my experiences and growing my perceptions of the world will be a huge milestone and achievement and I look forward to grow to my fullest potential this fall in Hong Kong.

Looking back on this personal statement, the biggest flaw is most likely that I did not create an emotional connection/reaction. You want the scholarship judges to feel like they know you as a person by the time they finish reading your personal statement. There was a lot of clutter and I could have created a stronger theme which could have created a stronger emotional effect.

Published by Kev07

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1 Comments

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  • Goingtospain!2/15/2011

    Hi Kevin,
    Your essay is engaging and pretty straightforward. Just wondering if you've heard back and how much your total award was if you don't mind me asking. I'm in the process of applying right now.
    Thanks!

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