Sandra Will Divorce Jesse

Where ever Sandra Bullock might be today, few of us can imagine the pain she must be feeling. Both her actions in leaving the family home this week and Jesse's carefully crafted apology yield clues about the future of the marriage. Divorce, in this case, is an inevitability.

Sandra's choice to leave the family home before the scandal hit the media is especially telling. She and Jesse did not pack up the kids and disappear on an unplanned family vacation to sort out this mess together. She did not remain in their Sunset Beach home and issue a plea to the public to allow her and her family the peace and privacy to sort things out together. She packed up and left. They are not "together" and they are not working on this problem together.

All of us are well aware that Sandra considers Jesse's children to be her own children. Mothers who love their children as evidently as Sandra has loved these children do not leave as she did. If she were planning on continuing on in her marriage she would have stayed to protect the children or the couple would have taken the children with them to an undisclosed location and shielded them from the news,at least until things had simmered down a little. Clearly both Sandra and Jesse knew that this marriage was too far gone for saving and that the children would be best off acclimating to the new arrangements as quickly as possible. The children continued to go to school every day and Jesse headed back to work. The daily routine and structure were adhered to even if Sandra were gone.

This is a case too late for counseling. Too much damage has been done and it is now too late to repair. Once couples in trouble separate, either voluntarily or involuntarily, communication is severely lessened if not completely shut down. The longer the separation the greater the communication lapse, the stronger the possibility of permanent estrangement.

Trauma, be it individual or shared, responds best to an immediate intervention. The longer the injury is left untreated, the more difficult it is to treat, and the poorer the prognosis.

Jesse's apology indicates that he knows Sandra is not coming back to their marriage. He states the he hopes his wife and children will "one day" find it in their hearts to forgive him. One day is the last possible time frame before never. He could have left the statement at "will find it in their hearts to forgive me". He chose instead to say that "one day" is the best possible hope left for him. His children will forgive him and it is possible that Sandra may one day but it is not going to be any time soon and she is not ever going to be his adoring wife again.

The release of his alleged mistress pro Nazi photos is the final straw in this unrepairable betrayal. While most of us find the messages of this type of portrayal revolting and hateful, none more so than those of German descent are horrified by such images. Modern day Germans are loathe to be connected to their ancestors participation is the holocaust. Sandra is a proud German American who is beloved internationally. She was raised with a sensitivity to intolerance as a result of her German heritage that is far beyond what many from other cultures are taught. In the wake of this newest development Sandra is not only reeling in intimate and emotional betrayal but is also,no doubt, nauseated by the photographs of the tattooed woman in Nazi attire. It is, for any evolved human, but especially for a humanitarian of Bullock's stature the height of obscenity and hate. ( At the time of this submission, the TMZ website was claiming to have seen a photgraph of Jesse in SS gear doing the Nazi salute). This revelation is the slam dunk as far as divorce is concerned.

I have read many of the supportive statements for Sandra as well as many of the less than kind statements regarding Jesse's poor judgment. There is no question that Bullock's popularity will soar in ways that Aniston and others did not. Bullock wore her love and pride for her family in a public arena. She will go on as being thought of us a woman who trusted, loved and gave of herself wholly as wife and mother. Jesse will not fare as well in any possible outcome. Ten years from now he will simply be a footnote on movie message boards. His children will need a great deal of counseling in order to mature safely and appropriately and their Dad will have to do far better by them than he does done to date.

His alleged mistress will fade as quickly as the next scandal. Her incredible narcissism and her hateful and revolting poses should alert every mother raising daughters the potential dangers of a young woman's rage and self absorption gone unchecked.

Prayers to all the innocent parties involved in this sordid and sad affair.