Santa Claus to Lay Off Staff

Santa Claus ©, inc. today announced a 15% cut in staff in a pre-Christmas budget cuts. CEO (Chief Elf Officer) S. Claus made the announcement amid the backdrop of increasingly hostile labor relations and projected decreases in revenue of 20% from this time last year. The layoffs will begin in the coming week and will continue through the beginning of the new year. Acknowledging the awkward timing of the announcement, Mr. Claus noted that the company wanted to give as much notice as possible so that it's line staff did not over extend themselves over the holidays.

Over the past few years, Santa Claus ©, inc has seen a deteriorating working relationship with the United Elf Workers (UEW) over such economic issues as pay and health care, as well as working conditions, an increased reliance on outsourced services and a questionable diversification of business strategy.

"The North Pole facility hasn't been significantly updated in over 100 years," said UEW President Hermie the Elf, "we have many workers who have put off needed surgery because they can't get the time off work and because they couldn't afford to be out of work even if the time was available. The work day is long, the conditions "industrial revolution" era and the company mis-managed. It is outrageous that the company has taken this step well before examining it's own fiscal policies."

Meanwhile, Santa Claus © has also been ratcheting up its anti-union campaign - as elves report to work at the main facility each day, they're greeted with a "Say No to the UEW" banner and the company has now been slapped with a court order ordering reinstatement of two UEW leaders terminated earlier in the year for their union activities. Hermie notes that the actual per-capita labor costs associated with production and delivery of S. Claus goods has actually decreased over the years - that their wages are not the cause of the current economic problems the company is facing.

"We have thusfar resisted shareholder demands that we approach congress for a bailout package but there are real concerns we could file Chapter 11," said S. Claus, " and after all who would want to send letters to a bankrupt S. Claus without some hope that he'll be there to actually deliver the goods on Christmas Eve. We have to take some measures now to stabilize our bottom line so that we actually can meet the world wide demand." It is also widely considered to be a stipulation of congress that there be an entire reshuffling of upper management should Santa Claus seek out a bailout package, which could include such radical measures as caps on executive compensation and even reducing Santa's role in the day-to-day operations of the company.

"Look, taking Santa out of the operational aspects of the organization," reports Hermie, "really wouldn't do much to the image of the company at all - look at the outsourcing we've seen over the last 20 or so years! Santa has plastered his face on everything in these co-branding efforts and has left the core organization in shambles."

It is generally regarded by observers that Santa Claus © is too large to fail and would have enormous repercussions on the international economy if it did. On the other hand, the labor issues are of concern to observers. The general consensus is that the board has overcompensated Santa far too great a share of revenues, leaving too little to reinvest in operations.

The staff layoffs, despite the company's ranking as the highest revenue generating in the gift-giving industry - significantly ahead of the other two major players, Easter Bunny Inc. and Tooth Fairy, LLC. - demonstrates the growing concern for the overall economy and the company's ability to continue working under its current business model. Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy have already pared staff through attrition and voluntary retirements.

Santa Claus ©, Inc. operates Santa Claus industries of the North Pole and "S. Claus," a boutique gifting service for upper scale consumers. Plans for a production company tentatively slated to be called "ELFY!" have been placed on hold indefinitely.