SANTA'S MAGIC MEASURING TAPE

It was around three o clock on Christmas Eve afternoon when four-year-old Matthew went for a walk with his daddy in Oldham's local park. It was snowing heavily and Matthew was enjoying throwing snowballs at his daddy, who under the rules of Matthew's new game was not allowed to throw them back! Suddenly from out of the sky amidst the millions of snowflakes dropped the special measuring tape at Matthew's feet. Curious at this unexpected arrival the little boy picked it up and handed it over to his Daddy.

'What is this? 'Asked a surprised Matthew, utterly astonished at this new toy which had fallen out of the heavens into his hands. His Daddy was equally shocked.
'Maybe it is an early Christmas present from Santa Claus'? he joked. The measuring tape glowed bright orange, it really was the strangest thing but it appeared harmless, so content there was no danger he threw it back to Matthew. 'More junk for your toy box,' laughed Daddy.

On arriving back at their house Matthew inspected the tape one last time before throwing it in his toy box. He quickly lost interest for it was Christmas Eve and was certain there would be much better presents arriving in the morning. He simply could not get too excited about a measuring tape.

Meta, Mi and Mo were three of Santa Claus most trusted elves, all owners of the prized red bobbly hats. It was they whom a week before Christmas would travel on their elf sleigh to all parts of the world visiting children's houses and measuring their chimneys to ensure Santa could squeeze down.

To do this they took with them from Santa's magic tool box a very special measuring tape. Invisible to all human beings Meta, mi and mo took great pride in their very important mission, making certain that every single chimney was made ready for the big night. There was an elf saying that was as old as the snow and stars.

'Any job big or small, we the elves shall give our all'.

But there was one thing that always had to be remembered. No matter what happened the measuring tape must always be kept safe and never lost. For if it was not returned to Santa's special tool box in the grotto a terrible event would occur. Christmas would have to be canceled and children all over the world would awake on Christmas morning, only to find no presents beneath the tree.

Luckily the care taken by the three elves chosen for this most important task meant such a disaster had not yet occurred. Until now! For on Christmas Eve whilst hurtling through the dark skies on their elf sleigh, content in the knowledge that their mission had been a complete success, the measuring tape unknowingly slipped from their fingers and fell to earth.

Meta was beside himself with worry. 'How am I going to explain this to the boss? He is going to go mad'. 'Listen', said Mi, trying so hard to stay calm but also terribly afraid of how Santa would react to the dreadful news that they had mislaid the measuring tape. 'We will just have to retrace our steps and find it '. 'You are crazy Mi', jumped in an anxious Mo, 'stark raving bonkers'! The tape could be anywhere, even at the bottom of the ocean. We crossed seven seas remember, we don't even know where it slipped off the sleigh'.

The elves stood huddled together, not wanting anyone to hear their conversation. They were all close to tears and the thought that Christmas would have to be canceled because of their wrong doing horrified them. Finally after five minutes contemplation Meta took a deep breath, grasped both his friends around their shoulders and declared.

'We have no choice guys, we have to tell Santa. Maybe he will understand, realize it was all just an unfortunate accident and not shout at us'?

Never was an elf more wrong!
For when told the awful news an already pent up Santa Claus, stressed out with the last minute hassle of Christmas Eve preparation became absolutely furious with the trembling elves who stood glumly before him. Never had the grotto workers seen their boss so mad.
'I don't believe it',
he roared, his voice booming out across Lapland.

'You foolish, foolish elves, do you know what this means? All our hard work gone up in smoke. Twelve months of planning, the reindeers primed and ready to go, the children's lists done and logged, toys all packed and correct'.
And then he screamed the loudest anyone had ever heard,

'And you three go and tell me this '!

Meta, Mi and Mo felt ten thousand eyes upon them as their fellow elves glared angrily in their direction. Meta felt obliged to try and defend himself and his friends.
'But Santa', he pleaded, knowing well that they would most definitely lose their prized red bobbly hats after this. 'It was all just a terrible mistake. It wasn't until we got back to the grotto that we realized the tape had gone. We would do anything to put this right. Absolutely anything'.

Seeing how upset his three elves truly were Santa Claus finally calmed down and felt a touch sorry about losing his temper so badly. However this was very serious, not since the great elf strike of 1879 had the grotto experienced such a grim situation. Back then common sense had prevailed and a deal was reached when it was realized how upset children would be at not receiving their presents. The elves were given an extra mince pie a week and it was business as usual. This was different. Elf error. Truly a Christmas nightmare.

For once upon a time it was all written down in the great book of Christmas rules that unless Santa's precious instruments, his magic compass for finding children's houses through the darkness, the special bell that rings to announce his presence and of course the measuring tape. If all three were not beside him in his tool box on Christmas Eve then Santa's sleigh would simply not fly. These were the aged old rules of the grotto and could never be broken. It was indeed a bad, bad problem.

Santa Claus heaved a heavy sigh; he glanced at the grotto clock as it edged past seven. They had just five hours to find the tape. For come midnight the clock would strike twelve and the wonder of Christmas would cease to exist. Children across the world would at this time be going to bed dreaming of their toys to come the following morning.

Santa knew he could not allow them to have their hearts broken. 'Come with me',
he bellowed to the three most miserable looking elves in all of Lapland. 'Maybe there is still time to save Christmas'. Mrs Claus was most surprised when her front door opened and standing there with her husband was the offending trio looking totally shamefaced.

'My my', she sighed, taking sympathy on the gloomy faces before her. This kindly old lady smiled gently, her eyes staring at the elves over the top of her granny glasses.
'What a pickle you have caused'. Mrs Claus knew Meta, Mi and Mo well, they were totally honest and reliable elves and whatever had occurred she was convinced was all just a terrible accident. She decided to offer them some hot milk and mince pies, (elf heaven!) only to be interrupted by her husband.

'This is no time to be nice Mrs Claus, we have an emergency on our hands'.
With that Santa pointed down his long hallway to a far door
'Come elves, follow me to my study'. Off they strode purposefully, watched by Mrs Claus. How she hoped her beloved Santa had some plan to save the day. Santa Claus ushered the elves into his study, he took from his draw a large tattered old book and blew a thick layer of dust off its front cover. Meta, Mi and Mo watched with their mouths wide open. Surely it couldn't be?

'Yes elves', said Santa, 'this is the great book of rules and if I am not mistaken somewhere in here it explains what to do in case of our situation'.
Suddenly the three elves felt a surge of hope, maybe they were not fated to go down in elf history as the biggest dimwits of all time? Maybe they could keep their beloved red bobbly hats? However blessed with the power to read their minds Santa glanced up from the book and growled,
'don't bet on it'.
'Aha', exclaimed a hugely relieved and highly excited Santa,
'Great merciful goblins and cheese makers, i have found it. Here on page 25,790 it says and I quote

'if by some unforeseen circumstance an elf should be foolish enough to lose the measuring tape (with that he gave our three heroes his most glowering look,)
then the three following procedures must occur.

1: These words must be chanted three times by those who have lost the tape:
'I am a stupid elf, I am a stupid elf, I am a stupid elf'.
Shouldn't be too difficult', said Santa, giving Meta, Mi, and Mo yet another disgruntled glance.
2: The offending elf or (elves) must stand on their head and think of the very last time they saw the measuring tape. `
Do you think you could simply manage that without falling over'? asked Santa, no reply from his forlorn elves.... They were getting used to it!
And finally:
3: If you are a good and honest elf, then say to Santa Claus that you believe in the magic of Christmas and the location of the measuring tape will become known.

'At last', said a relieved Meta, 'some good news'. 'Right then', Santa ordered, 'elves to action there is no time to lose'. Meta, Mi and Mo formed a line and one after another they repeated the chant, 'I am a stupid elf, i am a stupid elf, I am a stupid elf'.
'I feel stupid' moaned Mi.
'Good' replied Santa, 'it must be working, now all stand on your heads'.

Immediately they did as ordered. He now spoke in a much more friendly tone for there was no doubting Santa liked the elves. It was quite simply the seriousness of the situation that had caused his previous outbursts. 'Meta, Mi and Mo, the children of the world are relying on you. Picture the measuring tape in your minds, bring it home!
Save Christmas my elves'!

Never had they concentrated so hard. Suddenly Meta shouted out, 'I remember a large chimney coming through the clouds, smoke pouring into the sleigh'. 'Me too' said Mi, 'and I' added Mo, 'lots of them.' 'I keep seeing a word said Meta, 'mahdlo', 'i am the same' agreed Mi. 'mahdlo, mahdlo, mahdlo'. I can't get the word out of my mind'.
'You are not going to believe this', added a smiling Mo, 'but me too'!
'At last' said Santa, 'we are getting somewhere. Now back on your feet elves there is one final procedure to complete'.

Meta, Mi and Mo stood rigidly to attention as Santa Claus walked past straightening each of their red bobbly hats. For the first time since this whole horrible episode had begun they saw Santa smile. Only slight but it still warmed the elves hearts.
'My dear elves', he began. I have no doubt your courage, honest and integrity. For I can read your minds and know all three of you have hearts the size of my belly'! At this the elves could not help but chuckle. '

But we have to finish our task, now all of you must repeat after me. 'I believe in the magic of Christmas'. Proud as punch the three elves roared out' I believe in the magic of Christmas'. Again they repeated it. 'I believe in the magic of Christmas, I believe in the magic of Christmas'! Santa Claus put his hand up, 'enough', he said. 'Now tell me where is the measuring tape'?
As one they shouted in unison,
'Oldham'!

'Oldham'? replied a nonplussed Santa, 'then where is mahdlo'? Meta, mi and Mo began to laugh, 'Say it backwards Santa', requested a smiling Meta.
Suddenly Santa Claus realised, 'aagh', he replied, stroking his fluffy white beard,
'the great book playing its tricks. Mahdlo is Oldham backwards'! Right then' he exclaimed:
'Elves......to the Elf sleigh'!

The time had turned ten o clock and Meta, Mi and Mo had just two hours to save Christmas. Santa Claus stood with great pride and fingers crossed as he watched the elf sleigh take flight and disappear into the far off night sky. With stars twinkling and the good wishes of the entire grotto with them, Meta sent forth a battle cry.
Oldham here we come'!

The small town of Oldham was in the North-West of England and most famous for its scrumptious pies and the many big black billowing chimneys that stood scattered around poking high into the sky. But in the grotto Oldham was better known for a notorious incident back in 1904 when Santa Claus and his reindeers nearly collided with one of the above chimneys on a particularly dark and foggy night.

Only the swift reflexes of Rudolph and his magnificent red shiny nose saved the day and of course Christmas. Of which the legend goes Rudolph had a very famous song penned about him. For many years after cheeky little reindeers would sing to him, much to our hero's constant annoyance: 'Rudolph with your nose so bright, did you save the sleigh that night'?

THE RESCUE:

As the clock struck eleven, just one hour before midnight and their dreaded deadline looming, Meta, Mi and Mo's elf sleigh landed with a whoosh on the roof of little Matthew's house, sending sheets of snow flying into the air. 'Right guys we are here' said Meta, grabbing hold of Mi and Mo, who were both so nervous to put right their dreadful mistake. Meta knew he had to calm them down.

'Let us three get one thing absolutely clear', 'We have not done nothing wrong, sometimes bad things just happen and it is no one's fault. We have known each other for a long time, centuries even. By helping each other we have more than earned our red bobbly hats, we are good elves, and no matter what happens tonight we shall stay good friends'.

Stirred by Meta's words the elves gave each other a big hug and then began the climb down the chimney. Inside it was dark, grimy and full of dust, only Meta's trustworthy torch saw them safely down to the bottom. Meta was first out of the chimney, he crawled out of the fireplace and carefully checked around, flashing his torch making sure the coast was clear.

Matthew and his Mummy and Daddy were all fast asleep upstairs, but before they had gone to bed Matthew's Mummy made sure Santa Claus had his traditional Christmas treats. She left out for Santa on the dining table a large glass of sherry and four mince pies, which when Meta flashed his torch on he whispered to the others,
'no wonder Santa has a big red nose! If he gets the same treat in every house it is a miracle he does not fall out of the sleigh'!
Meta led the elves over towards the toy box where they were convinced the special measuring tape lay. Nervously they searched through it, careful not to break anything but desperate nonetheless to find the tape and go home.

'It is not here' whispered a confused Mo, 'what is going on?' It was true and the elves looked at each other in utter disbelief. How can this be' said Meta'. 'The great book of Christmas Rules cannot be wrong. We completed our three set tasks to find out where the measuring tape was and succeeded. This should not be happening'!

Grabbing hold of the toy box and tipping it onto the carpet, he exclaimed 'it should be here?' Suddenly a voice came out the darkness. 'Good evening elves, are you looking for something'? Meta, Mi and Mo looked on dumbfounded as from a lit up couch a whole host of Matthew's toys stood staring menacingly at the elves.

Amazingly the magic from the measuring tape had brought the toys to life and they were in no mood to give it back without a fight. A fearsome looking Action man with a scar on his face motioned to different parts of the room and from behind the chairs, cabinet and ornaments more toys appeared, including a tank!

The three elves glanced most anxiously at it as came into view. 'Can elves get blown up'? asked Mo, rather worryingly to his friends. 'Soon find out' said Mi. The Action man jumped off the couch and approached the elves. He started to laugh, 'Where did you get those daft hats', he mocked. This annoyed Meta, Mi and Mo, and Meta stepped angrily towards the Action man.

'Don't be rude toy, enough of your silly games, give us our measuring tape and we'll be on our way'. Meta went on, 'do you really want to be responsible for ruining Christmas for every little boy and girl in the world'? 'What do you mean'? replied the Action man. Meta explained to him what would happen if the measuring tape was not returned to Santa Claus's tool box.

Of how Santa's sleigh would not be able to fly. Of the broken hearts on Christmas day morning. Looking shocked at what he had been told the action man returned hurriedly to the other toys and they went into a deep discussion. Finally for what seemed like an eternity the action man raced back across to the frantic elves. It was twenty five minutes to midnight and if they did not set off soon back to Lapland it would be too late. It was now or never.

'I am sorry' said the Action man. And with that he motioned the tank towards him.
'Oh oh', Cried the elves, 'time to duck time'! But they had no reason to worry, for out of the tank popped only the measuring tape straight into the waiting arms of Action man. 'I believe this is yours' he smiled and handed it over to a much relieved Meta, Mi and mo.

'Thank you, thank you, thank you', replied the overjoyed elves! 'But we have to get going'. There was just time for a very quick goodbye to all the toys and it was back up the chimney, into the elf sleigh and off back to the grotto. All the way home to Lapland the three friends held on tight to the measuring tape. 'If any of us let go' said Meta, 'and it falls we all jump after it'! Mi and Mo laughed, nor knowing that Meta was totally serious!

The clock continued to tick down, five minutes remained to Midnight and everyone in the grotto watched the black skies, praying that amongst the million of stars they gazed upon, one of them was Meta Mi and Mo's sleigh. But there was no sign and hope was starting to fade. Mrs Claus clutched tight on Santa's hand. 'There was something about those three elves', she said. 'They are going to make it'.

Santa smiled and kissed his beloved wife gently on the cheek. 'Mrs Claus', he said softly, I love you and I adore how you never give up on the most hopeless of situations. No chimney is dark enough for you my dear, you always see the light, but this time I am afraid there is to be no happy ending'.

Suddenly there was an excited shout amongst the crowds, 'Look to the east', shouted a lone voice. In second thousands of elves turned in the same direction and erupted into enormous cheers as Meta Mi and Mo's sleigh flashed through the heavens at breakneck speed. 'Quick' roared Santa, everyone to their posts. 'Prepare the reindeer', and then he could not resist it.
'Santa Claus is coming to town!'

'You are the most remarkable Mrs Claus i have ever met', laughed Santa as he gave his tiny wife a huge bear hug! 'I know', she said, smiling, 'now go and do your job'.
Immediately the elf sleigh landed Meta threw the measuring tape to a waiting Rudolph who caught it on his nose and raced like the wind to Santa and the other Reindeers.

As the clock struck twelve off he soared on the magical sleigh, illuminating the night sky with Christmas gold dust in his wake. A final wave to the grotto faithful and then whoosh! Santa Claus was gone. So many chimneys, so little time.

As for our intrepid heroes? Well Meta, Mi and Mo were mobbed by adoring crowds as they attempted to make a quick get away and grab some well deserved sleep. In her husband's absence Mrs Claus declared that the three elves were to be given elf medals of honour and in celebration it would be Mince pies and warm milk all around for everyone in the grotto! The party would go on all night.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

John Ludden cfieldsoffire@aol.com