Sarah Palin: Family Values and Teen Pregnancy
Today, I found a second reason to be happy about the selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain's running mate: Her daughter, Bristol, is knocked up! (Note to parents: Saddling your children with stupid names may lead to rebellion.) I am always delighted to learn that people who are better than the rest of us have skeletons in their closets. And I know that Sarah is a better person than I am because she is a Republican--the "family values" folks--and being the logical person I am, I can only conclude that a liberal scumbag like myself has no family values.
One of those Republican family values is that teens should abstain from sex. What the abstinence people don't understand is that asking teenagers not to do something is like inviting them to do it. Especially when it comes to sex. Teen hormones are raging, baby! Unfortunately, the abstinence crowd doesn't teach their kids about contraceptives, so when the dam inevitably breaks, the sperm are swimming free and easy.
But despite my lack of family values, my daughter managed to make it through her teen years without getting knocked up. Whether or not this was due to abstinence, luck, or the fact that we godless liberals believe in the use of birth control, I couldn't tell you. I can tell you that my daughter was not forced to marry the father of her children, both of whom were produced post-nuptials to parents well into their twenties.
Candidate Palin has assured us that Bristol will wed the scoundrel who impregnated her dear daughter. Since she comes from a pro-life family, there is little doubt that abortion was never an option for the young girl, so she gets to enjoy the fun of morning sickness--and all the other delightful things that accompany childbirth--at an age when most girls are concerned about who will ask them to prom. Of course Bristol will have the advantage of bringing her child into the comfort and security of a wealthy family--a luxury most pregnant teens don't have. She will not have to face the stress of raising a child on minimum wage in a crappy neighborhood. There will likely be plenty of help from the same nannies who will raise her baby brother Trig (another unfortunate name) should Mom win the job as second in command.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against teen pregnancy. Hell, if teenage girls aren't supposed to get pregnant, what was God trying to tell us when he chose to work his magic on the Virgin Mary? I am merely amused to know that the Republican candidate for vice-president, with all of her family values in place, has something in common with Jaime Spears' mom.
How cool is that?
Published by Frank Mucci
A Pulitzer Prize-winning author and People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive for 2010, Frank likes to make up crap about himself. He will be honored later this year with the Nobel Prize for Literature. View profile
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11 Comments
Post a CommentI've heard the term, if McCain/Palin are elected, will be "VPILF" (pronounced vee-pilf).
I just read some trash talk on the Enquirer site that Bristol and her dude broke up, and they screwed around with other people, before being forced back together for the campaign. That's just gross to me. I mean, assuming she didn't use a condom on the guy. She could have twins from two different boys! (I'm starting to feel ill just thinking about it.)
And for the record, lest I seem too mean spirited, Sheryl -- God love you, you're one of the nicest people on here, but I just can't keep quiet on these political issues you keep raising.
Ah, I notice Sheryl is towing the right-wing line in an attempt to undermine public schools. Pretty sad, but common. Apparently, anyone who is a liberal has been brainwashed by public education. When I was in public HS, I was conservative. Now I'm liberal. Go figure.
Love the humor and great points made here!!!
continued...."70's free sex" movement, it was hard not to fall into this trap. I did. Congrats on your own child not having this happen.
Hi Frank - I know a field day is being had with this issue - Here are a couple of things to consider. I haven't been able to find whether the Palins home-schooled Bristol. But if she went to public school, public schools are now a place where (and I have this first-hand from teachers and students) kids are being taught by at least the younger teachers and counselors that they don't have to accept their parents' values...they must think for themselves and do "whatever feels right". When you're in that environment 8 or more hours a day, surrounded by kids who all SAY they're having sex or possibly being made fun of for not doing it, or being pressured by a boyfriend "if you love me you'll do it" - it's awful hard to restrain yourself. You just want to fit in. Or, you're in rbellion because you have a famous parent who is saying you need to be a role model! Peer pressure is a powerful thing. At that point, you don't care what your parents taught you. Even years ago during the 70's "free s
One thing's for sure: Bristol did not abstain from sex before marriage. Also if Bristol were not the mother of Frig, that could be determined scientifically, without reasonable doubt. I guess no legs need to be spread for that. But let it be taboo. It's just another Democratic smear campaign, like they always do. Poor little Republicans.
Compared to Ms. Palin, I'm a complete loser. I have no scandals pending, no activists pissed off, no dead polar bears to speak of. I'm an underachieving parent as well. All four of my silly kids managed to get through high school AND college before a one of them became a parent. I don't know what I did wrong!
Witty and very, very well said! You had both my wife and I laughing hysterically :)