Sarah Palin Makes History as Only Second Female to Lose on a Presidential Ticket

On November 4, 2008, capping off a campaign full of highs, lows and record-shattering events galore, Sarah Palin made history by becoming only the second woman to lose a race on a Presidential ticket.

"This is truly a shining step forward for women everywhere," said Columbia University gender studies professor Darlene MacAvoy. "Governor Palin has shown once again that every young woman can grow up to one day spectacularly torpedo a Presidential campaign."

"There's nothing a woman can't fail at now," one of her teaching assistants added, beaming.

As John McCain's Presidential campaign slowly but surely spiraled into irrelevance and oblivion, vice-presidential candidate and probable gimmick Sarah Palin was there every step of the way. The last woman to hold such an honorable position was Geraldine Ferraro, who ran alongside Walter Mondale in one of the most humiliating routs in American political history.

Not that Palin was the only woman to make great strides in abject failure this election season; Hillary Clinton's sudden downfall to Barack Obama will forever remain fixed in all people's memories of this election. "Senator Clinton really did point the way forward for Palin's bringing McCain's campaign to a screeching halt," said Northwestern University sociology professor Ira Goldfarb. "You wanna talk about cracks in the glass ceiling, you can't find a better precedent than Clinton being dropped like a rock in the primaries."

Bringing a unique feminine flair to the Vice-Presidency she so hotly pursued, Sarah Palin gladly accepted such mantles as "hockey mom" and "pit bull with lipstick," ensuring that her terrible political choices would be forevermore linked with the status of women in American society.

"We've come so far," news analyst Diane Morgenstern told Associated Content. "For so long women have stood on the sidelines as men ran the country. Just imagine how the suffragettes must be feeling, looking down from heaven: Sarah Palin's historic run has really made some significant headroom in the way women in politics can completely collapse and bring their upticket partners down with them."

Palin was unavailable for comment, as she was already planning to return to govern Alaska, which will remain a corrupt, frigid and ungovernable wasteland where pork-barrel politics and underhanded maneuvers will subjugate the democratic process. Her future career in politics is unplotted at this time, but one thing is certain: Sarah Palin has truly made history for women everywhere, a fact which no one will ever let her forget.