Sarah Palin Resigns as Governor of Alaska to Pursue Other Opportunities to Be Hot

WASILLA, AK - In a press conference from her home in Wasilla, Alaska political game-changer, noted barrier-breaker and bona fide beauty Sarah Palin announced her intentions to resign from the office of governor of Alaska in order to pursue other opportunities of being hot.

Palin, who made history as the Republican Party's nominee for Vice-President in 2008 and competed in Miss Alaska in 1984, cited a variety of reasons for her impending resignation, including a completion of political goals, a desire for new opportunities to serve her constituency and the sudden realization that a hottie on her level could do much better.

The governor's office was reticent on Palin's exact plans after resigning as Alaska's governor, but insider sources note that she has a wide variety of options, some of which would make use of her noted ability to be insanely gorgeous.

"Someone with Sarah Palin's experience and qualifications may find the private sector a more freeing and efficient route toward the accomplishment of goals," explained Harvey Woodburne III, professor of political science at Alaska State College. "Some, like Jimmy Carter, actually find more success after leaving office than they ever had in public life." Woodburne then went on to discuss Palin's marketable skills and attributes, focusing on her executive experience, her kittenish demeanor, and "a smokin' body that won't quit."

"Given Palin's ability to connect with voters, her pretty hair and her trim, toned figure," added historian Cecil D. Hazelthorpe, "she may well be destined for greater things than gubernatorial office. Some have even hoped she might run for President herself in 2012, or wear sexy lingerie in heavy metal videos."

As could be expected, Alaskans greeted Palin's decision with an equal mix of good wishes and private regrets. "I think 'Sarah Barracuda' is someone you want on your side, here in Alaska," said systems analyst and Juneau native Trudy Billings, "but if I had her eye for incisive dealmaking, her unique grasp on the media or her gym-worked, bikini-ready body, I'd be pursuing other opportunities myself."

"No true Alaskan will ever forget what she accomplished here, or her sexy-librarian looks," added fisherman David Marlowe. "Sarah Palin really put Alaska on the map. Then she smiled coyly and winked, and my heart just stopped. Oh, man."

This is not the first time a noted American political figure have left behind public office to better exploit their pleasing appearance. No history of the 1970s is complete, for instance, without noting Richard M. Nixon's legendary resignation of the Presidency to begin an equally legendary career as a competitive bodybuilder.

"Sarah Palin is the kind of person who makes her success where she finds it," said longtime aide Boris Gerbert. "Whether resigning as governor was done for political transition, entrance into the private sector, family concerns or simply the chance to show off that supermodel smile, I know we haven't seen the last of her. Her irresistible wink. Her amazing figure. Oh, man."

Palin's successor will be Lieutenant Governor Sean Parnell, whose friendly and non-threatening face ought to make him a hit with middle-aged female voters who just want a nice guy to spend time with.