Sarah Palin's High School Report Card

Sarah Palin, the Republican running mate for the vice presidential spot, has come a long way since the glory days at Wasilla High. Who knew that the "barricuda" of Wasilla would later have the chance to rally on with John McCain for the second highest throne in government. Sarah Palin hasn't changed much since her high school days and her high school report card provides an eerily accurate portrait of the Sarah Palin of today. Since I couldn't get Alaska to release Sarah's actual high school report card, I offer a glimpse at what it might have looked like.

Student: Sarah "Barracuda" Palin
Note: Sarah insists on using the surname of her boyfriend/future husband Todd

English: D

Teachers Notes: Sarah still refuses to add the "g" to the end of her words when she speaks. She has a habit of run on sentences and using strange, folksy phrases to communicate. Sarah insists that she speaks "Alaskan English," though no such language is spoken outside of Wasilla.

Foreign Languages (Spanish): INCOMPLETE

Teachers Notes: Sarah refuses to learn Spanish, claiming it is not pro-American to do. She does show an interest in learning Russian, however, so she can talk back to her Russian neighbor in the morning when she stands on her front porch.

Ethics: C-

Teachers Notes:Sarah loves ethics class! Her enthusiasm for ethics and her own performance do not match, however. When I confronted her about unethical behavior she threatened to reform and create her own ethics.

Science: F

Teachers Notes: Science is not Sarah's strongest subject. Sarah refuses to believe that dinosaurs once walked the earth and she sees no need for "fancy schmancy" science. I had no choice but to recommend summer school. Sarah says she is planning to take Bible School this summer instead to learn some "real science."

Civics/History: D-

Teachers Notes: Sarah says she wants to "rule the world" one day when she becomes Mayor of the United States. Previous teachers have stated that Sarah's grasp at civics and history courses is at the level of a second grader.

Phys. Ed.: A

Teachers Notes: Sarah is a determined athlete on the basketball court. She does have a difficult time with sportsmanship, however, and her peers have claimed that she frequently bares her teeth like a barracuda when she gets mad. Sarah also bagged the largest moose on a recent field trip. I have never seen a young lady rip the guts out of a moose like Sarah can.

Drama: B

Teachers Notes: Sarah does an incredible job of reading lines directly from a script! She needs to work on coming up with her own lines and speaking in coherent sentences while acting.