Sarah Palin's Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for 2010

As hard as it might be for some people to swallow, former Alaska governor and failed vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is a celebrity. The dictionary defines a celebrity as a 'celebrated' person, and one of the definitions of 'to celebrate' is to hold up to public acclaim. One has to admit that this lady has been in the public face - er, eye - in a big way ever since the 2008 election campaign. It is then valid that we would want to know what her New Year's resolutions are for 2010. Listening to her speak can be a painful experience, as often it appears that her vocal organs are not connected to her cognitive facilities, so the crystal ball had quite a time deciphering the following top 10 resolutions.

1. I resolve to finish what I start. This was a no-brainer. Here's a person who was mayor of a small town, and left that job to run for governor. After the failed run at the vice presidency, she then quit her job as governor to become a full-time political pundit and poke in the eye to rational moderates.
2. I will learn to listen to myself. Her 'abdication' speech when she left the governor's job was classic. In a speech about quitting her job, she lashed out at quitters.
3. I resolve to pay closer attention to Tina Fey. The SNL/30 Rock comedian is a more credible Sarah Palin than the real thing; and she's a better dresser.
4. I will buy a dictionary, a thesaurus, and a style guide. If you think this woman is confusing when she speaks, you should try to get a copy of her quitting speech. Looked like it had been written by a fourth grader on speed, complete with all caps. After some public jabs at it, it was taken off the web.
5. I will hire someone to teach me how to dress. A woman in her mid-forties, no matter how nicely built, should not dress like a teeny bopper.
6. I resolve to go back to school and learn some real geography. Africa is a continent, and living next door to Russia does not confer foreign policy experience. Maybe a repeat of ninth grade will drive that point home.
7. I will join WWF. No more polar bear or wolf slaughter. I will endeavor to respect all living things, especially liberals.
8. I resolve to spend more time with my children. Obviously this soccer mom didn't do a very good job of counseling her teenagers. It might not be too late.
9. I resolve to be less sensitive to press reports. If you insist on standing in the middle of the kitchen, it's a bit childish to complain about the heat. People who want to be celebrities and talk on any issue have no cause for complaint when the media takes them down a peg or two.
10. I resolve to go on an extended vacation during the next presidential election and not get involved. Probably this will be the first resolution violated, but one can hope.