Sarcasm Lost on Google

With its complex algorithms that would make advanced extra terrestrial life wither dumbly, it's no secret that the super wizard computer geeks at Google have done some amazing things.

Not only can one type in the nonsense phrase "goat saddle" and actually see picture after picture of, you guessed, goats wearing saddles, but he can also find web sites that sell goat saddles and - I swear it - tips on how to make saddling a goat as pleasant as possible for you and the goat.

But what makes Google so successful as a business is how it recognizes key words within your search results and automatically generates relevant and potentially useful links to paid advertisers. So when searching for goat saddles, on the right of the screen are links to web sites where you can buy goats and saddles.

Google has applied this same technology to its e-mail program Gmail. But instead of recognizing key words in an internet search, it picks up on what it thinks is the content of your e-mail - keywords and phrases - and offers potentially relevant advertising links to the right of the message.

At first this seems a little creepy and a lot obtrusive. I imagine someone or something actually reading and comprehending the content of my e-mail and supplying the corresponding advertising.

But if you read the disclaimers and FAQs supplied by Google, you can be rest assured that it has nothing to do with monitoring or spying and everything to do with the complex algorithms and Google super wizards mentioned above.

While Google may pat itself on the back for being able to use artificial intelligence to decipher human correspondence, all in the name of advertising, I have discovered something Google is not too good at: Detecting sarcasm.

This played out simply the other day, in an e-mail exchange I had with a friend of mine who I'll call "Ted." (I'll also omit the names of anyone else to keep all identities anonymous).

It's important to know that it has been Ted's shtick to downplay his current position in life, his job, the city he lives in. He's not entirely happy with it but when he talks about it, he lays the sarcasm and hyperbole on thick. It's become sort of a joke, kind of like Ted's life (that was actually an example of how Ted might actually joke . . . see?).

The e-mail exchange went something like this:

Ted: You still want to have lunch tomorrow? If so, we should also include "Brian." I'm available around 1.

My biggest accomplishment this evening was [insert name of lame movie here]. My life is in F'ing shambles.

Me: That sorry excuse for a human being "Brian" and I were just discussing activities for tomorrow. We were thinking of playing some basketball and then going to lunch. Thoughts?

Ted: "Brian's" life is one of the only things that makes mine seem relevant. I'll be home from work around 1 so maybe hoops at 1:30 and lunch to follow?

Now I'm going to watch [insert name of lame movie here] and then go to sleep. F---.

So if you're a computer and/or robot reading this e-mail and looking for key words, some consistent subjects and relevant phrases, here's what you might deduce:

You've got two people talking about getting lunch and playing basketball. And then something else keeps coming up, like references to lives being in "shambles" and someone who is a "sorry excuse for a human being."

So I look to the right of the e-mail exchange and notice the specifically tailored advertising generated for this conversation.

Expectedly, there were links concerning the NBA and NBA playoffs. Good job Google, 1-for-1. Next up was one advertisement targeting overweight children and another offering tips for the overweight. I'll give Google a consolation prize for that but it was getting colder on relevant advertising, as the most prominent and abundant number of links it offered were quite different.

There was one for teenagers with troubled pregnancies, one advertising a "practical, proven program for parents of troubled teenagers," and another claiming that "surrogate mothers are needed."

Wow. I never knew our lives were this dire. So maybe Google still has some work to do, to find a way to detect the dry wit of its users. Or perhaps Google is really a step ahead of me and Ted is actually dealing with a troubled teen pregnancy and just hasn't told me.