Sarh Jessica Parker: Caught in the Spotlight

Being a celebrity means you're giving permission for people to look at you, listen to you, pay attention to you.

Stop what you're doing right now! I'm over here!

If the celebrity is famous just for being famous, then it's not an equitable relationship; it's just annoying or intrusive. But if the celebrity is famous because of their talent, then we'll happily and willingly turn ourselves into a loyal audience. We'll buy the CD, see the movie, watch the TV show every week, go to the concert, and join the fan club. Usually, it's a fair trade. The celebrity's talent enriches our lives and, in return, we make them rich.

But, as Sarah Jessica Parker found out, it's dangerous living in the spotlight.

There's no "Off" switch.

In the latest issue of Maxim magazine (y'know, the glossy rag that uses as few words as possible but features lotsa photographs of semi-nude plastic women with breasts bigger than their heads), there's a list of the "World's Unsexiest Women"and Sarah Jessica Parker found herself awarded the dubious honor of being No.1.

Not exactly an Oscar, is it?

I have to be honest, though. When I first heard this not-exactly-riveting news item, the second thought that popped into my head was: Why are they picking on poor Sarah Jessica Parker? But my first thought was: Sarah Jessica Who?

Don't get me wrong, I think Sarah Jessica Parker has done quite well for herself considering what little talent she has. However, I don't believe I'm being cruel or vindictive if I don't see her as a major Hollywood actress. Other than her breakthrough role as Carrie Bradshaw in Sex in The City (a smutty and overrated soap opera), I'm damned if I can remember anything else of significance that she's done. As eye candy, she's a Milky Way. Of course, Matthew Broderick wouldn't be wrong if he wanted to kick my face in, either. Who am I to be talking about another man's wife for?

Then again, the guys at Maxim feel as though they have the right to be as sexist as they wanna be. Although the odds are good that they're probably lumpy, greasy-faced toads who can't get laid and will never be confused for Matt Damon, they do have the power to objectify women because that's how the game is played in Hollywood. Actresses are billboards for unrealistic standards of beauty that the girl next door can never live up to. But sometimes the standards are set so high that even the actresses themselves can't meet them. And who cares about hurting Sarah Jessica Parker's feelings since she's an object anyway?

Furthermore, when you "fail", everybody knows about it, because the omnipresent spotlight follows a celebrity everywhere now.

Michelle Pfeiffer knows all about it. "For me, getting comfortable with being famous was hard, that whole side of it, the loss of anonymity, the loss of privacy. Giving up that part of your life and not having control of it."

So, if the celebrity is smart, they will hire bodyguards. They won't read the tabloids or watch "Gotcha!" television programs. They will isolate themselves by living in luxurious golden cages far, far away from their adoring fans. And they'll hope that the pornographic video they made years ago when they were young, stupid, and blessedly anonymous with those two drunk cheerleaders doesn't show up on YouTube.

What happened to Sarah Jessica Parker wasn't unusual. It was just her turn. Hey, that's showbiz.