Say it Ain't So! Toyota Recalls the Avalon!

Yet another new Toyota recall was announced today, affecting some 37 vehicles, just months after a separate Toyota recall that affected nearly 4 million cars. Toyota says today's recall, which involves every single Avalon produced, relates to the fact that it is just completely "fugly."

Toyota President Akio Toyoda used the new-fangled adjective to describe the admittedly lame-looking luke-warm seller, and repeatedly ignored questions about why he spells his name with a "D." The embattled executive proudly told reporters, "I have accepted the resignation of the top designer of the Avalon and most of the design team has been instructed to leave their pinky fingers, neatly wrapped in silk cloth, on my desk by noon tomorrow."

"Toyota has long striven to deliver aesthetically pleasing automobiles and there is just no excuse for this," he continued. The recall will affect every single one of the 37 Avalons that the company has somehow conned consumers into buying. Car owners are instructed to bring their cars to the nearest Toyota dealership regardless of whether or not they find the car attractive. "We intend to destroy every last one of these abortions," Toyoda was quoted as saying. Avalon owners will be allowed to choose a refund, or another model, no questions asked.