Saying Good-Bye

Like dead people walking I travel in the dark of the early morning...

slowly...

unbelieving

in a daze I go..

Not wanting to..

but needing to

as I near my destination

a lump swells in my throat

nervousness overwhelms me

I am sick at my stomach

I look around and see others

dazed

wandering

saddened about it all

and then the bus comes

my tears are about to break

it takes all the strength I can

give to hold them back

My son appears and I take

him in.. All of him.. All of

his actions. His movements

his facial expressions..

He can't make eye contact with me..

Or he will lose it..

He slowly throws his gear

on the waiting truck, and turns to me

head down he walks to me.

Be strong. I tell my self.

But I don't listen.

A man yells "It's Time to go"

My son reaches for me, like

when he was small

I take him and hug him..

Wanting. Needing to protect him from that man...

tears touch his neck

I can't let go

I don't want to.

My body trembles

as thoughts swirl

through my mind

"What if ..This is the last time I

hold him? What if this is the last time I tell him I love him"?

I stop my thoughts. I can't go there.

I have to block it all out.

I have to take this moment and cherish it

he steps back

I see the tears

I can't speak

My hands goes to my heart

Our sign for I love you

"I love you mom" I see his lips say

"I love you Ryan" I sob

as he steps onto the bus

I feel my tears as they fall to my face

I wave and I stand Proud of my Marine Son..

Proud of what he is willing to do.

Pride takes over and the tears stop

only to return when the bus fades away out of my site.

Alone I stand..

To hear my own cries..

Alone, I walk away...

with nothing but love inside..