Saying Goodbye

It's been so long since I've seen you

or spoken your name.

I still try to call you

before I remember you're not there.

I feel your absence

more than I feel my own presence.

It's part of the circle of life

and I was all right

until they said to step forward

to pay my final respects.

The word "FINAL" echoed through my mind,

and tore my heart to shreds.

Then I lost my mind and could only picture you

alone

buried under six feet of cold wet earth.

"FINAL"

I would NEVER see you again.

I could NEVER speak to you again.

I wouldn't answer my phone and hear your voice

EVER again.

I shrieked.

In my mind I screamed.

I couldn't breathe.

Someone had to catch me.

"FINAL"

I realized this was it.

Oh God, this was IT.

I didn't get to say goodbye.

I didn't get to thank you.

I didn't get to tell you that I love you.

And I do.

Still.

Do you know I used to sit by your headstone and cry?

Do you know that I didn't leave the cemetery until you were buried

because you were afraid you would be misplaced.

I stood in the cold rain

I watched them lower you into the earth.

I watched them pour dirt on top of you.

I watched them bury my heart.

I miss you so much.

You left too soon.

Thank you for all you did for me

for everything you taught me.

I love you.

Goodbye.