Saying Goodbye to My Father's House

"Did you want this? My stepsister asked.

"No I really don't need it. Don't you want it? I asked.

Just how many picnic table tablecloth holder downers does one need? How many lint brushes does anyone need? Of course there are many heirlooms and memories that were sorted, but it is so sad to see the loss of value for those who have treasured these items.

My father and stepmother have lived with my stepsister and her husband for over a year and a half. No one ever believed that they would have managed to be able to keep on living semi-independently without going into nursing care. They are actually getting help as my father has Alzheimer's and there is no way that my stepmother can take care of him on her own. The love that she has for him is priceless. She worries about him and doesn't want to leave his side. A far cry from the relationship that he had with my mother.

I was given priceless gifts, from his family, although not mine biologically, I treasure them. I was there when he invented the Strato-tower. I was there when he slowly recovered from a nearly fatal injury. I was there and more importantly he was there when I was born.

The experience of clearing out their house has brought us all closer together. Although as usual my tears come as I write about the experience. I am an admitted stuffer. I do not process my pain and grief well. That is when I write. It helps me to bleed out my feelings on paper.

I have photos of my father, a handsome, confident man, brilliant and gentle. I love him now and I loved him then, although as a child I had to hide that love for the fear of danger. Belittlement and pain were constant reminders of the consequences of expressing love for my father from my mother. Today I cannot be stilled. Today I will continue to pay tribute to this wonderful man. I will pay tribute to his wife, my stepmother for the love, companionship and loyalty that she has shown to him for over 40 years.

I am once again reminded of how little importance materialism means to us as human beings. Yes I am grateful for a warm house in the winter and a cool one in the summer. I am grateful for many many things that we have that make us comfortable. I love many of the things that I have been privileged to have thanks to God. I also am reminded of how little that all of those "things" mean to us when we have to just be made safe and comfortable. We cannot take them with us. I often think of the saying, "You never see a u-haul being towed by a hearse."

Goodbye house. Goodbye to future memories there, but thank you for the many good ones that we made there. I thank God and my parents for the love and acceptance that they have shown to us through the years. We have bled out many painful experiences together because of the past with my mother, but we have survived and thrived through them. Healing has come slowly and not painlessly, but oh I thank God for them.

This weekend I will share his photo album with him, the one of his invention of the Strato-tower. I hope that he can still remember them. This invention was one of his proudest accomplishments and I am so proud of him for being the man that he was and still is to me.

It is heartbreaking to see how frail he has become but when I walk in the room, his eyes light up and make me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. I hope that he will always remember me. If he doesn't I will still be there for him. Thank you God for the memories and thank you God for him.