Saying Goodbye to a Foster Child

Being a foster parent is one of the most heart touching jobs on the planet. It is also one of the hardest. A foster parent gets the chance to be a substitute parent to a child for as little as one night to as long as several years. What makes this job so challenging is saying goodbye to a foster child. Saying hello and welcoming a foster child into your home is simple, but when it comes to saying goodbye to a foster child, that is a whole other story. I have had the privilege to play this part on several different occasions to some of the most loving children you would ever want to meet. Though not all of them started off being so loving, I wouldn't have traded a single second for all the tea in China.

There is nothing wrong with developing an attachment to a foster child. Actually, most Divisions of Social Service will encourage you to develop a strong relationship with your foster child so the children will love and respect you as they would or do their own parents. After all, foster parent means being a temporary parent to a child in need. Most of the time they don't tell you how difficult it can be when a foster child returns home, is replaced with another set of foster parents or is placed with biological relatives. It is one thing to say letting a foster child go will be easy, it is another thing actually doing it. I remember to this day the first time I had to tell a foster child goodbye. I am not sure who it hurt more, her or me.

The biggest thing to remember when saying goodbye to a foster child is that you need to remain strong for them. Normally foster children have enough going on in their short lives that the last thing they need is a foster parent crying and losing it right in front of them. The foster child's needs should come first. Even if you are falling apart inside, stay strong for your foster child.

Make sure the foster child knows that the time you spent with them is important to you. Often foster children come from homes where they were never shown love or self worth. Take the time to share some of your feelings and memories with the foster child before they leave. Let them know how much you enjoyed being a substitute parent for them during a challenging time.

Consider throwing a farewell party for you and your foster child. This will give you and your family a chance to visually express how much the foster child will be missed and how much you have enjoyed being in their life. Maybe get some going away presents that your foster child will remember you by. A good idea for a gift is a personalized Bible engraved with the foster child's name and on the inside you can write a special message. This will also give them a Christian resource for any future troubling times.

Another idea that may help with saying goodbye to a foster child is encourage your foster child to write. No matter where they go or where they are, the times they spent with you will not be forgotten. Consider including some self addressed stamped envelopes as part of their goodbye gifts. Let them know you still want to know how they are doing even if they no longer in your care. You can still be a part of their life from afar.

The best advice I can give when saying goodbye to a foster child is to take plenty of pictures. A picture can be worth a thousand words especially if you never take one and don't think about it until the foster child is gone. Take pictures for you and for them. Take group pictures of you as well as them. These pictures may provide some comfort in the grieving process that will surely follow after saying goodbye to a foster child.

Saying goodbye is never easy and this advice is not meant to be a cure all, only advice that may offer some comfort. Know that you did your best and the foster child was loved while they were in your care. Give yourself a pat on the back, there are many more children that are wishing they will have foster parents like you!