Scientists Need You to Make 2007 Hottest Year Ever

Get out the shorts; it's time to break the 1998 record for the hottest year. But since scientists aren't very good about climate predictions, maybe they need help to make it come true. I have the answer.

Crank your home thermostat to 85 degrees and open all the windows and doors. If mom visits and wants to know if you are heating the outdoors, reply proudly: "Yes I am!" People love records and when you're a part of one it's that much more special. Who wants to skip rope for a week straight when all you have to do is turn a dial? Brilliant!

Recruitment will be the key. You will need others to help you with their heaters. While I question how much we really impact the global climate, I think that even if we did as a whole, one person not so much.

But if you had a whole neighborhood in on it, you'd create a heat island which would increase temperatures nicely. You can contribute your findings to the scientists so they can include them in the average mean temperature. They will really appreciate your efforts too, helping them out like that.

Now of course you are probably wondering how this actually helps when it's obvious it uses up a lot of electricity. Where would you get the money to pay for it all?

Start your own global warming charity! Submit proposals for grants to look at the effect of local temperature changes vs. global changes. It would be hard to actually study the fluctuations because of all the influences that go into temperatures. But with all those homes blasting out heat you could actually create variances yourself right outside that would be measurable. The key to proving that global warming is caused by man is empirical evidence and what better way to test it then by recreating the models in the real world.

You can also use all those people you recruited to your cause and promote them to assistants. It is their heaters after all, and if you don't include them now after taking them this far, you will have a riot on your hands. And where will they go after that? Straight to the politicians. Buh bye grant money.

There is one other issue. What if some social activist comes along and questions your experiments because of all the electricity it uses? Carbon credits! With all the wealth your charity has built up, purely in assets mind you, you are non profit (wink wink nudge nudge), you can afford a ton of them.

There's the plan, it's up to you to make it happen and there's only 361 days left. Now if you excuse me, I have a thermostat to adjust.