Scrabble Musings 3-30-09: Hair

I really do not understand the obsession that my African American sisters have with hair.

I was talking to my mother today who keeps my daughter while I am work and asked her to comb and style her hair for an outing we had planned after I got off of work. My daughter is almost ten months old and her hair is beginning to grow back (this is due to her sleeping on her back for the first few months of her life). So she has a small afro in the back and a huge crop of hair in the front and on the sides. Normally my mother puts them in small ponytails but today I told her to just brush it out into an afro and place one of her lace bandanas on them.

After she brushed the front out, which is full and longer, my mother didn't have any issues with her hair. It wasn't until she got to the back of her head, which is just as full but significantly shorter, that her image of my child's hair changed. She claimed that she looked a mess and that she looked "thrown away" because her hair wasn't as long in the back as it was in the front.

I told my mother that there was nothing wrong with her hair and that she is only ten months old. With her having nappy (yes my baby is a nappy head and I don't think that there is anything wrong with that word) hair it's going to take a while for her hair to have a lengthier look to it. As I finished getting her dressed in her adorable shiny pink track suit and adjusted her lace pink hair bandana, the look of disgust on my mother's face made me rush out of her house.

She constantly has negative things to say about me and my daughter's hair. Just yesterday she tried to convince me to straighten it with a hot comb. And when I refused she said that she thought that I was afraid of liking it straight and wouldn't want to go back to my nappy self. I told her that I am not ashamed of my hair and that it is fine and beautiful the way nature intended. She also makes (not so) idle threats to perm (or relax) my baby's hair when I wasn't looking. I have never outright disrespected my mother, but I will walk to hell and back with her (with me being the victor) if she even thought about purchasing a Just for Me kiddie relaxer for my child's hair.

In a world that (still) favors long, flowing, blonde hair (natural, weave, or lacefront) I want my child to understand that her hair is just as beautiful as anyone else's hair without having to alter it to look like everyone else. I want her to appreciate the waves and curls and kinks that the Power above gave to her and to never think that she is less than or ugly because it isn't straight or long. But, I also want her to understand that just because she loves her natural self that she doesn't have to chastise or belittle someone else because they aren't ready to embrace their hair for what it naturally is.

India.Aire said "I am not my hair." Too bad in the African American community that is all that we are.