Scratch and Win -- the Pie's the Limit!

I'm not going to pussyfoot around. I love to gamble. I come by it honestly - my grandfather never missed a chance to play poker aboard the USS Missouri during WW II, or after dinner at holiday gatherings; my mother met my stepfather at a horse-racing track, and several years back my husband seduced me into the piquant world of video poker.

So it would figure that we pretty much arrange our yearly calendar around our highly coveted and way too infrequent trips to Las Vegas.

As lady luck would have it, this year my husband's annual convention was held in none other than Sin City.

The first thing we did was snap up as many "comp" hotel room nights for our eight-night stay as we could, which included two nights at Sunset Station Casino, two nights at the brand new South Coast Hotel and Casino, and four nights at Mandalay Bay at attractively discounted convention rates. Alas, only one measly free night were we able to snag at our newest favorite Las Vegas hangout, the swanky new Red Rock Casino Resort and Spa. This is the hotel where apparently Britney Spears stayed earlier this year (according to People magazine) after getting into an argument with her husband Kevin Federline, and where other Hollywood types have been spotted.

But that's not why we like the Red Rock. We like it because the rooms are incredible, the casino is enormous, and my husband won 11 pies there one day. Not to mention 13 battery chargers, 12 ice cream cones, four candy dishes, and, had we been able to stay longer, perhaps a partridge in a pear tree.

Even though we only had one precious night at the Red Rock Resort, we made the 20 minute drive from the Las Vegas strip to the Red Rock almost daily to try to rack up some more points for future comps, perhaps even enough to win a suite someday. On our first day of playing there I couldn't help but notice large signs situated throughout the casino advertising a "Scratch and Win" promotion that was going on through the end of November. "Every 500 points earns you one Scratch and Win ticket!" "Win up to 250,000.00!" "Good for prizes, meals, and suites!" "Every scratch-off wins a prize!"

I pointed out the promotional banners to my husband, the eternal optimist, who to this day still religiously fills out and sends in his Publisher

"You get 11 tickets," the friendly cashier said to my husband who was now near drooling over his anticipated winnings. Because I stuff about half as much money into the video poker machines as he does, my point total garnered me only five Scratch and Wins. My husband shot me a self-satisfied smirk.

After snatching the tickets out of the cashier's hand, my husband began frantically scratching at the gold seal with his thumbnail.

"Here's a coin," I offered.

As each of us revealed the hidden prize we would eagerly blurt out our freebie to the other.

"Apple pie at the Grand Café!" my husband exclaimed.

"Mystery prize!" I announced.

"Apple pie again," my husband reiterated.

"50,000 points!" I gushed.

"Apple pie," my husband intoned.

"Free Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Cone!" I chirped.

"Friggin' apple pie," my husband muttered.

"Another 50,000 points!" I squealed.

Miraculously, my husband's entire stack of tickets consisted entirely of apple pies. What are the odds of that?

"Well, when the kids arrive on Friday we can all go to the Grand Café and have a piece of pie together," I said comfortingly. "We can give away the other seven pieces."

A Red Rock employee who happened to be standing nearby interjected,

I envisioned trying to get 11 apple pies past security officials at the airport on our way home. "Ma'am, I'm sorry, you're only allowed three ounces of apple pie per carry-on." We ditched the winning pie tickets at the buffet line.

The good news is I wound up winning a total of 150,000 points, which translated into about $250.00, and another stack of Scratch and Win tickets.

Grinning smugly my husband jumped back in line with my winning tickets and returned with a half deck of scratch-offs.

"Battery charger," he said breathlessly as he eagerly rubbed his nail over the first ticket.

"Battery charger," he said again a moment later.

"Friggin' battery charger again," he mumbled.

Now you see why we have no choice but to fly to Vegas and play the slots. I don't dare let him near scratch-off lottery tickets!

"That's not pieces! Those are whole pies that you won! 's Clearing House form, and shortly thereafter we were standing in line at the rewards center with dozens of other scratch-off hopefuls, anxiously awaiting our booty.