Scribner to Publish 'Restored' Edition of Mariel Hemingway

NEW YORK, NY-In conjunction with studio executives and relatives of the famous actress, publishing house Scribner will be bringing out a 'restored' edition of Mariel Hemingway, it was announced.

Scribner, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, is releasing the new version of Hemingway as, in the words of a spokesperson, "a truer representation of the woman her grandfather intended to publish."

Changes to the new version of Hemingway are extensive. First, a new meeting between her and her grandfather Ernest Hemingway has been added: in the previous edition, Ernest Hemingway never met the actress; her grandfather had died before she was born. This, Scribner assured reporters at press time, was how Hemingway had intended the story to go.

The controversy around Hemingway's breast implants for a role in "Star 80" has been excised, and her regrettable role in "Superman IV: The Quest for Peace" has been moved into an appendix.

In the place of the old and unacceptable material, new and better elements of Hemingway's work have been incorporated. Her Oscar-nominated role in Woody Allen's "Manhattan" now takes up an extra chapter of her life, and there is some speculation that future editions will go on to say that she even won the coveted statuette.

Other elements of the previous edition objected to by the Hemingway family include her guest spot on "Tales from the Crypt" and the final chapter of her book, "Finding My Balance: A Memoir".

Although Scribner understood the concerns of fans and historians alike, their press conference maintained an upbeat tone overall. "We knew these revisions would lead to accusations of bowdlerization and censorship," read the publishing house's official statement, "but we believe the revised, restored edition of Mariel Hemingway will quickly replace the original. This is the definitive Hemingway, not the life Hemingway herself submitted."

Scribner's decision to alter Hemingway's work has already met with controversy in academic circles; some see it as the beginning of a slippery slope, and are already voicing concerns about the publishers' upcoming plans to revise the careers of other performers. Scribner is currently investigating whether actress Anne Hathaway has any connection to the wife of once-Bowdlerized playwright William Shakespeare, and what the relationship might be between ebullient personality Jenny McCarthy and author Cormac.

"True Hemingway fans will be thrilled at this new angle on a notable career," promised the statement.

Hemingway could not be reached at press time, as she had engagements to attend a movable feast.