Scrubs Best Top 5 Quotes from Dr. Cox

On Scrubs Dr. Cox is a man who can make an argument out of anything. He is known for his long winded but hilarious rants that is usually aimed at John "J.D" Dorian or Elliot Reid. He also trades barbs frequently with his ex-wife, the only person on Scrubs who's a little more evil than even he is. Here are the top 5 funniest quotes from Dr. Cox on Scrubs. These are just a few but every single episode of Scrubs has Dr. Cox saying something that will inevitably become a much loved quote.

Scrubs Best Top 5 Quotes from Dr. Cox #1

This very first quote shows just how long Dr. Cox can make his rants if you get him mad enough to actually speak to you. Cox has a long running feud with the Chief of Medicine, Bob Kelso and in this rant he lets him knows how he feels about him in a very subtle way.

You know, Bob, I've been thinking about all the times that you've manipulated me and toyed with me, and, well, I can't help but recall that children's fable about the race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass chief of medicine that everybody hates. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass chief of medicine that everybody hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him; but right at the end -- gosh, I'm sure you remember what happened, Bob -- the tortoise bit clean-through the chief of medicine's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive, right there on the racetrack. It's a...disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me, nonetheless.

Scrubs Best Top 5 Quotes from Dr. Cox #2

Directed at J.D., Dr. Cox once again lets Dorian know that he does not like him. Unfortunately nothing he says seems to make Dorian understand that.

You know, Newbie, it's so interesting -- I found I couldn't sleep last night, so, in order to pass the time, I started to make a list of things that annoy me more than you. Anyway, I came up with people who call Wednesdays "hump day" and, of course, all Sandra Bullock movies.

Scrubs Best Top 5 Quotes from Dr. Cox #3

For the first few seasons of Scrubs it was almost an annual event for J.D. and Elliot Reid to hook up and although they thought it was a secret, Dr. Cox quickly let them know that it was anything but.

Ahhh, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet, elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxie about the naught-aye!

Scrubs Best Top 5 Quotes from Dr. Cox #4

Doctors are supposed to fix you when something is wrong with as little fuss as possible but Dr. Cox gives his patients the same thing he gives to everyone else. His opinion. Here he rants at a patient who needs more surgery because they won't lose weight and instead gains 9 pounds in one week.

Nine pounds in a week!? Let me ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside someone's clogged artery. And all that a person has to do, really, is -- oh, I don't know -- go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that!?! And I know, I know, here I'm supposed to be Dr. Give A Crap, but you wanna know the God's honest truth? And this is a fact -- you are what you eat, and you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn'cha!

Scrubs Best Top 5 Quotes from Dr. Cox #5

Although it's clear that Dr. Cox needs some kind of mental help, he lets everyone know that it is not going to happen at all.

Yeah, I make it a point to never enter a shrink's office unless I'm planning on grossly overpaying somebody for telling me something that I already know.

Quick Quote Roundup

People are just bastard covered bastards with bastard filling.

It would be impossible for me to lie next to Jordan, she sleeps hanging from a ramp in the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.

Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there until that night Junior year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well he dropped by. And he brought a copy of 'About Last Night' and a four-pack of Bartel's and James and ba-dow hoo-hoo-hoo it was gone forever. Just like my patience is now.

You, my friend, you look so damn leathery, I'm honestly tempted to wrap you 'round a baseball, sinch you up with a belt, and stick you under my mattress for the big game on Sunday, but since I'm here to heal, not judge, I'm gonna go ahead and write you a couple of prescriptions. You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet to help you pound some sense into yourself, this second one is for a big floppy hat that you are now to wear every single time you leave the house. Have a great day, ya look like a purse

I know you and I have never really connected - maybe that's because you're relentlessly annoying, or maybe it's my fault because I can't tolerate relentlessly annoying people - I don't know.

I have a son now, I can't be old. I don't want to be the guy that when he brings his son to play in the park, people turn and stare and say 'Is he the father? Is he the grandfather? Is he the grandfather's grandfather? And why, oh why, is he pushing that traffic cone on the swing while his little boy sits in the mud and cries? Is he taunting the little boy? No, he can't even see the little boy. He's talking to the traffic cone, and oh look, he's actually putting the traffic cone into the minivan and driving away while his little boy still sits in the mud and cries, cries, cries, and the traffic cone sits quietly and watches Finding Nemo on DVD.

Newbie if the next 2 words that come out of your mouth aren't see ya, then they will be oh my god my crotch, you've hit me in the crotch!